The Who Tales
by The Unearthly Idiot
Summary: This is what happens when Marty Burton breaks into the Doctor Who storyline: stupid and random stuff happens! Be prepared to laugh and wonder what the hell is the matter with this kid.
1. Marty the Idiot

The Who Tales

By

Marty Burton

Author's note: Hello, all. Welcome to "The Who Tales", a collection of varied stories showing what happens when you throw my (totally mad) character Marty Burton into "Doctor Who". I hope you enjoy the silly pop culture references and random insanity as much as my mates do.

Set during "New Earth"...

The control room in the TARDIS was silent.

The Doctor was fiddling with something at the console and Rose was sitting in the captain's chair, mulling over the recent events. Cat-nun-nurses? And that Cassandra… even science fiction writers couldn't make this stuff up.

Marty Lee Burton, a short-ish girl of fifteen years who had ginger-coloured hair and deep blue eyes was the only one making any noise. She was babbling about random things, and nobody was really listening. They knew better.

Finally Marty noticed that the Doctor and Rose were ignoring her, and, being something of an attention hog, this upset her.

'Um, hello? Multiverse to the Doctor and Rose, come in Doctor and Rose!' she said loudly. The girl paused and waited, only to find she was still being ignored. She was silent then, thinking, until an idea dawned on her.

'Lookit what Iiii gooooooot!!' she said in a singsong voice, reaching for her pocket.

The Doctor turned to her wearily as Rose's gaze shot up immediately. 'What?' they both asked.

Marty pulled a white square of fabric out of her jeans' pocket. 'Guess what this is,' she taunted eagerly.

'A handkerchief?' the Doctor asked.

'No.'

'A white cloth?' Rose guessed.

'Nope!

'Oh come on, use your brains, people! It's _so _obvious.' Marty frowned, but the frown was so brief it was barely noticeable, and she grinned again. 'It's one of those evil cat-nun-nurses' face scarves!'

Rose rolled her eyes, and the Doctor grimaced. 'Why would you keep that?' the Doctor asked.

Marty paused, searching her brain for a reason, but she finally just concluded, 'Cos I wanna.'

The older girl rolled her eyes again and turned to the Doctor. 'You've never really been in her room, have you?'

'Er, no… why?'

'She has a tendency to snatch something from the scene of the crime and take it home with her,' Rose informed him, 'usually to show off to her mates.'

'Oi!' Marty cried, but continued. 'Watch this.'

She put the scarf over her entire face (contrary to how they're actually supposed to be worn) and ran around the room, though she soon began to stumble. Her companions watched her, wondering why the moron was doing this.

'Raaaaaawr!' Marty shouted, giggling girlishly. 'I'm an evil cat-nun-nurse!!' She then ran into one of the railings around the room, flipped over it, and landed with a hard THUD on the ground.

Rose cringed and looked away, while the Doctor sucked in his breath. They both stood up and kind of leaned over the console, attempting to see where she had hit.

'Ouch…' came the young girl's moan. 'I know none of you asked, but I am oh-kay.'

0--0

Author's note: I tried to get some explanation in there about Marty, because, well, she's ended up being the main character along these lines. As you can see, Marty is really very clueless and has a tendency to do stupid bs that gets her in trouble. Anywho, I hope you enjoyed this story and will keep reading! Thanks muchly!


	2. The True Secret of Christmas

The Who Tales-

The True Secret of Christmas

Somewhere in the Time Vortex…

Rose was sitting in the captain's chair, happily enjoying a good book, when Marty snuck up behind her.

'Psst, hey, Rose,' Marty whispered in her ear.

'What?' Rose asked, jumping slightly. She was sort of annoyed at being interrupted, but listened to the young psychic anyway.

'I've discovered the Secret of Christmas,' Marty continued, glancing about with shifty eyes, as if she was afraid of someone hearing.

'And that would be…' Rose was beginning to find this funny.

'Santa Claus…' And here she paused for dramatic effect- '…is a Time Lord.'

They sat together in silence, blue eyes staring questioningly into brown, until Rose half-gasped, '… Come again?'

'That's how he delivers all the presents in one night. His TARDIS looks like a sleigh. My little brother Jake and I figured it out.' She innocently pulled a ginger braid out of her rainbow-coloured scarf.

But Rose laughed again. 'Does this mean you believe in Santa now?'

Marty smiled and waved her hand nonchalantly. 'Of course not. But it makes you wonder.'

They were both silent for a minute, thinking, but simultaneously leaned over, trying to see the Doctor where he was tinkering on the other side of the console.

He noticed them. 'What?' he asked.

But Rose and Marty both just stared at him with suspicious eyes.

0--0

The True Secret of Christmas: Santa is a Time Lord.

This dawned upon Jake and I a while back, that Santa Claus must be a Time Lord to make everything work. It's really quite obvious.

Also, it reminds me of this: .com/art/AnyWho-Xmas-Special-Part-1-72790829 But I did mine first. :D

Anyway, this is also proof that Marty inherited her granddad's irrefutable belief in conspiracy theories.

Enjoy! XD


	3. iPod Trouble

The Who Tales-

iPod Trouble

Set during "Utopia"…

'Drums. All my life, the never-ending sound of drums!' Professor Yana murmured. Chantho and Martha listened intently to him, while Marty listened intently to an iPod she had stolen from her mate Sora McCaffrey, aka "Twitchy".

'WAIT.' Suddenly Marty was listening. 'You said you hear _drums_?' she asked, turning to the professor.

'Yes… why?'

Marty gasped. She stood up and slowly faced the others, her eyes wide. 'Holy shit! _I_ hear drums, too!'

Yana, Chantho, Martha, and Jack all looked absolutely flabbergasted, shocked, confused, and annoyed, respectively. Jack sighed and rolled his eyes, standing up and striding towards his young friend. 'Let me handle this.'

He crossed over to where she stood and pulled the iPod's earphones out of her ears. If you listened, you could faintly hear a song with a strong drumbeat; 'Here come the drums, here come the drums!'

'Why must you ruin all my fun?' Marty asked flatly, glaring at Jack.

The American rolled his eyes again, moving back to his seat, and still holding the iPod. 'It's my iPod now.'

'No way! You can't just take it!!' she exclaimed, jumping up after him. 'For one thing, it's not mine.'

'You should have thought of that.'

The young woman froze, shoulders scrunched up in anger. '…That's not the point!!' she finally stammered.

Jack put the earphones in and began to scroll through the device's playlist. 'Ooh, Marian Call.'

Their companions watched the squabble from the other side of the room. The professor glanced at Martha and saw the anguished expression on her face, and was embarrassed for her.

Finally Marty stomped off, and Jack began singing along frighteningly well to "You Can Fly" from the Disney movie "Peter Pan", much to the despair of his companion.

Chantho and Yana looked at Martha, who was about to cry. 'Oh. My. GOD!'

0--0

This was written before I got my own iPod. Obviously I would not have Disney music on mine.

XD


	4. Marty's Zombie Impression

The Who Tales-

Marty's Zombie Impression

Set during "New Earth"…

The Doctor, Cassandra/Rose, and Marty ran through the secret entrance back into Ward 26. Immediately that "frau" lady or whatever she was called came after them, brandishing a chair, yelling, 'Raaaah!'

'Ah! No, we're clean! See? Clean!' the Doctor exclaimed, waving his hands at her. Cassandra/Rose did the same, nodding a bit frantically.

Marty was about to do the same when an idea dawned upon her, and for once she made an exception to her 'I'm not the zombie, I KILL the zombie' rule. What do we mean by that? Well…

She began to stagger forward, eyes fluttering, and arms held out, groaning. Marty was pretending to be a zombie. 'Uhh… Uhhh…'

'Eeeek!' Frau Clovis screamed, flinging the chair. She then turned tail and ran.

It hit Marty in the arms, torso, and face, and the ginger-haired girl was knocked crashing backwards.

'You kinda deserved that,' the Doctor said, looking down at her. 'Just a little bit.'

Cassandra was laughing hysterically.

'Shut. The hell. Up.' Marty growled from the floor.

0--0

Why it isn't such a good idea to be obsessed with "Shaun of the Dead" when a crazy lady has a chair.

I do have a very good rule when my friends and I- friends being Eli in particular- are discussing zombie attacks, plans of action, that sort of thing, that when they come, I will never become a zombie, I will merely destroy them by combining my masterful wit with a cricket bat. (giggles madly) This subject was particularly prominent when my school's senior class had "zombies" as their Homecoming dress-up theme.

(Though that terrible rendition of "Thriller" was actually pretty funny.)


	5. The Perfect Line

The Who Tales-

The Perfect Line

Set during 'Father's Day'…

The Doctor, Rose Tyler, Sora McCaffrey and Marty Burton stood in the living room of the Tyler family's flat. The Doctor and Rose were having a row.

"I must've just picked up another stupid ape!!" the Doctor yelled at Rose. She stood at the opposite end of the room, glaring at him in all fury.

"Oh no he didn't," Marty whispered to Sora.

"Oh yes he did," the blonde girl replied.

The room was filled with utter silence, the Doctor and Rose glaring at each other, Marty and Sora too shocked to say a word.

"Uh…" Marty groaned.

"This is awkward.." Sora thought.

Finally Marty spoke up, glancing at the others in the room. "There's a slight _chill_ in the air… isn't there?"

The Doctor just stomped out as Pete Tyler returned. "Did I miss something?" he asked, looking about.

0--0

'There's a chill in the air…' was Lola's best line in the film 'Kinky Boots'. I thought it would fit here perfectly.

Wow, a Ninth Doctor one… and Sora McCaffrey is in this one cos when I was drawing my comics, I said, "Pick your favorite episode, and you get to be in the Marty version of it."

And she picked 'Father's Day'. The reason she was there is cos… you know, I might actually make that one of these… yeah, I'll do that… enjoy!


	6. The Link is Stronger Than You'd Think

The Who Tales-

The Link is Stronger Than You'd Think

Set during 'Boom Town'…

"…and it could be used as a fuel source for the TARDIS!" Jack finished his explanation of the Cardiff Rift to Mickey.

"Like a car at a gas station!" Marty laughed.

Suddenly there was a sort of menacing hum. The Doctor, Jack, Rose, Mickey, and Marty all looked up in confusion.

"What's that?" Rose asked.

Suddenly there was a smacking sort of noise, as if someone was being punched in the face.

Marty let out a yelp and went flying backwards with the impact as if… well, as if someone punched her in the face.

"What the…?!" Jack exclaimed.

"Wot the 'ell was that?!" Mickey cried, pointing at the teal pile of fabric that was the 50's style dress Marty was wearing.

"Well, the TARDIS gets in your head and translates languages, and things," the Doctor exclaimed. "But since Marty's a psychic, her link to the TARDIS is near as strong as mine."

"So?" Rose asked, rubbing her head in confusion.

"So apparently she didn't like Marty's comment and 'punched' her," the Doctor shook his head.

"Ah." Jack nodded knowingly. "I see," was Rose's comment. "O-kaaaaaay," Mickey was still confused.

Marty was laying face-first on the floor, one leg sticking up in the air. "Um, ouch."

A noise like a giggle was heard…

0--0

Why you don't mess with the TARDIS, especially if you're a psychic. (laughs)

Poor Marty, she got hit again. This one cracked Sora and Morgon up.


	7. Spiniraks

The Who Tales-

Spiniraks

Set during 'The Long Game'

"But she's dead," Rose was, as usual, very confused.

"There's a chip in her brain," the Doctor explained. "And though her mind is dead, her body keeps working!"

"Oh! Like when you squish a Spinirak," Marty said, "and it's leg is still moving!"

"Yeah… not really. What, Marty?" was the Doctor's comment.

"What's a Spinirak?" asked Rose, looking rather nervous, as if the information on what a Spinirak was was going to do her harm.

"Oh, don't worry. It's just a spider that's native to my planet…" Marty began.

Rose, thinking the girl had finished speaking, sighed in relief. "Good."

"… that's the size of a dinner plate."

The blonde woman winced. "You're not serious."

Marty was the picture of hurt and innocence. "Why would I lie about something such as that?"

Rose just closed her eyes.

0--0

I hate those fricking spiders. They're so damn big! And really, really, scary when you find them lurking in the shower… (shudders)


	8. Elton, Marty, and Scooby Doo

The Who Tales-

Elton, Marty, and Scooby-Doo

Set during 'Love and Monsters'…

Elton advanced down the corridor quietly and cautiously. He'd seen the blue box outside. That meant the Doctor was here. But it also meant trouble and danger were here, too.

He opened the door…

The monster roared at him, but then a man appeared behind the monster, waggling a steak at him.

"Want the steak? Want the steak? Ooh, good boy, come get the steak!" the man cooed.

A young girl appeared next to the man. "Oh bloody hell, Doctor, have some dignity."

"Shut it, Marty. Come get the nice steak!! You, run," the Doctor said to Elton.

"Yaaaaaah!" a blonde woman ran up from behind Elton and dumped a bucket of blue something-or-other on the monster.

"Cripes!" Marty exclaimed, jumping back. "Watch where you're aiming, Rose!"

"That was the wrong one!" the Doctor yelled at Rose.

"You said the blue one!" she shouted back.

"I said _not_ blue, you've just made it worse!" The door slammed shut, and Rose ran off.

Elton stood there, staring at the door, then turned and walked away down the corridor a bit, until he heard more yelling.

The monster was chasing the Doctor and Rose in the hallways, it roaring and them yelling and shouting.

Marty appeared out of nowhere next to Elton. He gave a jump when he heard her say:

"Since when did this turn into Scooby-Doo?"

0--0

I always thought that bit looked like one of the stupid chase scenes from Scooby-Doo.

I'd talk more, but I'm missing 'The Sontaran Experiment'. Gotta go. Enjoy!


	9. Phantom Pwnage

The Who Tales-

Phantom Pwnage

Set during 'The Lazarus Experiment'…

Marty glanced behind her, listening. "Shit…" she muttered under her breath. She, the Doctor, Sora McCaffrey, and Tish and Martha Jones were in a cathedral, and there was a big monster-mutant thing trying to kill them.

Not the best turn of events.

"Okay," the Doctor, who looked very nervous, glanced at the group around him. "Tish, Martha, lead Lazarus up to the bell tower. Sora, Marty, you're with me. I have a plan."

He led the two teenagers to a huge organ and sat down at it. "Here goes nothing…"

"Wait, wait, wait," Marty stopped him.

"What? Marty, I don't care if you don't like-"

"That's not it. You're just gonna bang it out on the organ?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

Marty hitched a thumb at Sora, who was frantically whipping her head around, trying to figure out which of the groups Lazarus had decided to chase.

"She can play it." Marty grabbed Sora's arm, pulled her over to the organ, and shoved her onto the bench. The Doctor scooted off.

"What are you doing?" Sora snapped.

"Play it!" Marty cried, hearing Tish scream. "You know which song!"

Sora gasped in realization, the grinned deviously. "Let's do this thing."

And suddenly the air was filled with the incredibly loud sound of a 17-year-old pounding out the theme to 'The Phantom of the Opera' on a giant church organ.

After all was done, the Doctor glanced at Sora.

"I can't believe you defeated a big monster mutant thing with the theme from 'The Phantom of the Opera'."

"Well…"

Marty cut Sora off. "That is what I like to call…"

Together, laughing, Sora and Marty yelled, "…pwnage!!"

And arm in arm they walked out of the church, grinning.

0--0

Sora and Marty wouldn't actually be in this one, but I was at Sora's house when she was practicing piano and she just sat down and started playing that song, you know, the one that goes, "The Phantom of the Opera is here! Inside my mind!" or whatever.

So we wrote this. XD

Yes, I actually have a planned thing of which Marty starts in ( 'Aliens of London') , which one she leaves in ('Doomsday'), and which one she comes back in ('The Last of the Time Lords').

WOOT!!


	10. Marty Rides a Horse

The Who Tales-

Marty Rides a Horse

Set during 'The Girl in the Fireplace'…

The Doctor stepped into the corridor, right into the face of a French horse. Marty stepped into the corridor, right into the Doctor's back.

"Oi, Doctor!" she exclaimed, stepping back. "What where you're-" Leaning around him, she saw the horse. "Oh lovely, a horse."

The walked on, unbeknownst for the moment that the horse was still following them.

"You got a thing about horses?" the Doctor asked her.

"I don't like them," Marty replied, frowning. "I can ride a horse, hell, I _have_ a horse, but I don't like them, and I never understood why little girls love them so much."

"You have a horse?" he burst out laughing.

"Her name's Mercedes. I rent her out to Girl Guides and people, so I've only ever ridden her like, three times."

"Oh." The Doctor noticed the horse was following them. He stopped and turned around. "Stop following me, I'm not your mother!"

Marty giggled. "Who says?"

The Doctor grimaced and walked on.

Marty glanced at the horse, then the Doctor, then the horse again. She shrugged and attempted to climb on. It was a little difficult, as she was wearing a dress, but she managed to clamber on, and urged it to catch up with the Doctor.

They came round a corner to find Rose and Mickey. The Doctor went up to talk to them, but Marty reined the horse back. When Rose asked "Where's Marty?", she led it forward.

At the sight of Marty, in her white summer dress, straw hat, and blue Converse, Rose burst out laughing and Mickey cleverly stated, "You're on a horse."

Marty looked at him. "Brilliant observation, Mickey. You should win a Nobel Prize."

He gave her a withering look.

"Hey," she shrugged. "At least I can ride it, love!"

0--0

I really do have a horse. It's name really is Mercedes. I really do rent it out to Girl Guides.

But I still don't like horses.


	11. It's the Clothes that Make the Doctor

The Who Tales-

It's the Clothes that Make the Doctor…

Set during 'School Reunion'…

Sarah Jane Smith sat at a table, gazing forlornly at across the room at the Doctor, where he stood fiddling with K-9.

"He sure has changed," came a voice.

Sarah jumped, but then she noticed that Marty had sat down next to her.

"Yeah…" Sarah sighed.

"It's okay. I understand, I really do." The girl smiled. "But Marty the Prank Master is here to save the day."

"What?" Sarah Jane sat up straighter.

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt 'im," Marty laughed. "Just play a little trick…"

She stood up and ran out of the room. A few minutes later, she came back, carrying her yellow rucksack that said in big black letters on the flap, 'MARTY'S RUCKSACK!!'

The ginger-haired girl sat down again and opened up the sack. Sarah peered inside and then laughed. "What are you going to do with those?"

"Play dress up," Marty said deviously. She called Mickey over.

"What d'you want?" he asked.

"I need you to distract the Doctor for me, please."

"What?"

"Just do it. I'll buy you some sweets or biscuits or something if you do."

He eyed her suspiciously, then shrugged. "Okay."

Mickey walked over to where the Doctor was.

Marty quietly followed him. She pulled a long, multicolored scarf out of the sack and draped it over his shoulders. Then she put a Dalek-shaped hat on his head, and, giggling, retreated back to Sarah Jane.

The woman burst out laughing. "And he doesn't notice a thing!"

Rose walked in. "Hey, Mickey-" But she stopped the second she noticed the Doctor's change in attire. "Hey, Doctor… what's with the hat and the scarf?"

He gave her a funny look. "What hat and scarf? What are you talking about, Rose?"

"Rose, c'mere!" Marty beckoned Rose to where she and Sarah Jane sat chuckling. She whispered an explanation, and Rose started laughing, too.

"And now watch as I magically make a mirror appear before his very eyes!"

Marty pulled a long mirror out of her rucksack and held it in front of the Doctor.

Mickey yelped and jumped back in surprise, crashing into a pile of cardboard boxes.

The Doctor noticed his silly appearance in the mirror. "Marty…" he sighed, trying to sound stern but still laughing himself.

"Ladies, gentlemen, and those of you who have yet to make up your minds, I give you… the Doctor! Sexy, dandy, and weird scarf guy!!" Marty shouted, trying not to laugh.

Rose and Sarah Jane were just hysterical.

0--0

I couldn't think of any 3rd Doctor clothes besides the fancy green suit, and she couldn't exactly slip that on 'im…

The Doctor is very unobservant…


	12. Murder Aboard the TARDIS!

The Who Tales-

Murder Aboard the TARDIS!!

Somewhere in the Time Vortex…

"Mmm… who wants to hear a riddle?" Marty asked. She was ignored, but as per usual, went on talking.

"Okay, this is like, really hard. My mate Kelson told it to Claudia an' me, and we couldn't figure it out.

"There was this guy, and he lived all by hisself. The neighbour went by but they couldn't find the guy. And then they found him…

"Dead in a closet!"

The Doctor looked up at her, bored. Rose glanced at the girl, but then went back to her book.

"So, your job is to figure out how he killed hisself. The clues are: there's a gash in his heart, and a watery puddle of blood on the floor. I repeat, _watery_-"

"He stabbed himself with an icicle," the Doctor stated simply, poking at something on the TARDIS console.

Everybody was quiet, Marty staring at the Doctor. Finally she pointed at him and yelled, "Damn you, Doctor!!"

0--0

It took us hours, and finally Kelson just had to tell us the answer.

But everybody thinks he suffocated or his killed himself with the bloody doorknob or whatnot. It's like, 'Please. Use the brains God gave you, I know you actually do have them.'


	13. Mickey's Eye Exam

The Who Tales-

Mickey's Eye Exam

Set during 'The Christmas Invasion'…

Marty giggled at Jackie's comment.

Rose glared at her.

"What? It was funny. Anyway," Marty stood up. "I have one more task to take care of before I can go change into some fresh clothes."

With that, Marty pulled a little stuffed pink pig out of her lab coat pocket and placed it on the sleeping Doctor's shoulder. "There," she said, sounding satisfied. "Have some Bacon, Doctor, it's good for… well, something anyway."

--

Mickey was sitting at the table. As Marty walked by, he glanced at her doctor costume and asked, "Why're you all dressed up like a doctor? A medical one, I mean."

"Because I'm a nurse, my dear boy! Speaking of which…" Marty leaned in and looked at Mickey's eyes, much to his discomfort. "Great Heavens, man!" she then shouted, "your eyes!"

Mickey jumped. "What?"

"Your eyes. Lean over here, to the light. Bend back, that's right." Marty strode around the table, pushed Mickey back over the table and, bringing a magnifying glass from her pocket, began examining his eyes.

"Oh, I thought so, I thought so," she murmured. She seized Mickey by the head and banged it back against the table. "How does that feel?"

"Ow!" Mickey exclaimed.

The yelling had drawn Jackie from the kitchen and Rose from the bedroom. They stood, watching the comedic scene unfold.

"You suffer, from headaches, don't you?" She banged his head again. "Don't answer. I can see it in your eyes."

Mickey tried to get up. "Oi, we're not done yet!" said Marty fiercely.

"O-o-okay," Mickey stuttered. "Yeah, my head does hurt."

Abruptly Marty got up. "Of course!" she said, as if speaking to a very stupid child. "What else do you expect when someone bangs it on a table?"

Jackie and Rose snickered.

Marty got up and Mickey, unsupported, slid down onto the floor. "It's your eyes I'm worried about, mate."

Mickey looked up, alarmed. "What? What?!"

The nurse girl shrugged. "Screen blindness. You're on the computer too much."

He was really worried now. "I _am_ on the computer a lot… what do I do?"

"Well if you don't wanna go blind, you have to rest your eyes right now. For like, an hour."

"But-"

"Do it! Ignore at your own risk."

"O-okay…"

"Now lie on the table."

Jackie and Rose were now up to frantic giggling at the hilarious exchange between 'nurse' and 'patient'.

Mickey lay back on the table and Marty pulled a white handkerchief out of her other pocket and tied it round his eyes. "Now, stay there for at least an hour. Capice?"

"But-"

"No buts."

"One hour?"

"One hour," Marty confirmed. She blew him a kiss and then left for the TARDIS, to go change into some real clothes.

Jackie and Rose had retreated to the hall so as not to make Mickey get up. They were positively roaring with laughter.

--

The Doctor awoke momentarily to hear hysterical laughter outside the room. He wondered what the hell was going on, but, glancing at the little pig on his shoulder, fell back asleep.

0--0

That's my favorite toy, that little pig. Her name is Bacon. Nice, huh?

And I really didn't actually write most of this. We were taking a big test in school today, and once it was done, I was reading 'Doctor Who- The Highlanders' by Gerry Davis. I thought this exchange between the Doctor and a bloke called Perkins was so funny I just had to make Marty do it to Mickey.

Oh yeah. Marty was wearing her Halloween costume (Dr. Meredith Grey from 'Grey's Anatomy') because when the Doctor regenerated, she insisted he needed her medical eye. And being Marty, she needed a costume for it.


	14. Ben's a Man

The Who Tales-

Ben's a Man

Set during 'The Highlanders'…

The cell at Inverness was very dark and quiet.

The Doctor sat thinking, as did Ben. Jamie was keeping an eye on the still-unconscious Colin. Even Marty managed to stay more or less quiet, merely softly humming to herself.

Then her face brightened. "Hey, Ben, let's play a game!"

Her voice startled Jamie and Ben. "What?" the sailor asked.

"I know a game you and I could play."

"What kind of game?" Ben's voice was not suspicious, as anyone who knew Marty better than he did's voice would be. Had the Doctor been playing attention, he would've warned Ben to not play along.

"It's a word game. Now, I'm going to tell a story, and after every sentence I finish, you say, 'I'm a man,'" Marty instructed. "Got it?"

"Okay."

"You go out into town."

"I'm a man."

"You meet a girl."

"I'm a man."

"She's a very lovely girl, so you ask her out to a fancy dinner."

"I'm a man."

"After the nice, fancy dinner, you go back to your house."

"I'm a man."

"As you sit in front of the warm fire, she leans in to your ear and whispers…"

"I'm a man."

Marty pointed a finger at Ben, laughing hysterically. "Your date's a man!! You're gay!!"

"I'm- I'm what?" Ben didn't know what the ginger-haired girl meant, but from her tone he could tell it wasn't good.

"Homosexual. You like guys!!" she managed to get out in between giggles.

"I am not!" Ben cried. He knew what she meant now.

Jamie, who had been watching the trick unfold in confusion. Now he was very confused. "What?"

Marty sighed. "This is what I get for being from 2008... Never mind, love, never mind."

0--0

Classic Who episode!! 2nd Doctor, Polly, Ben Jackson, and Jamie McCrimmon. I've only ever read the book version, I actually am right now (I'm almost done). So I've come up for lots of stupid crap for Marty to do when they're all in the dungeon before the Doctor goes and messes with Solicitor Grey and Perkins.

(giggle)

I honestly have nothing against being gay. Love is love no matter what gender.

But it's still a fun trick to play on straight guys. XD


	15. Jammed

The Who Tales-

Jammed

Set during 'The Parting of the Ways'…

The adults were arguing over what they could do to stop the Daleks. Marty was wondering the same thing, only _she_ got an idea…

She rushed over to the Doctor and Jack. "Radar."

They turned around to face her. "What?" the Doctor asked.

"If we jam their radar, they may not be able to find Earth!" Marty explained. She looked between the two men.

Jack glanced at the Doctor. "That's so crazy it might just work." He turned back to the eager girl. "Do it."

Grinning, Marty scrambled under the panel, which was not what anyone had expected. They heard a few electrical zaps and some swear words.

Marty popped out from underneath, her hair frizzy. Twitching, she slammed her hand down on one of the hand pads.

On the Dalek ship…

A frantic young Dalek zoomed up to where another Dalek observed everything.

"SIR! SIR!!" the young Dalek cried.

"WHAT? I AM BUSY," the other Dalek answered.

"I AM HAVING TROUBLE WITH THE RADAR SCREEN, SIR!"

The two Daleks rolled back over to the young Dalek's station. An oozing red substance dripped down the screen.

The other Dalek touched its plunger-thingy to the substance, then withdrew. It was silent a moment, calculating.

"THE RADAR HAS BEEN JAMMED," it concluded.

"JAMMED, SIR?" asked the young Dalek.

"LITERALLY JAMMED."

"WHAT IS JAM, SIR?"

"A SITCKY, SUGARY SUBSTANCE MADE FROM EARTH FRUITS. HUMANS EAT IT."

"OH."

"IT IS RASPBERRY." The Dalek turned to face its young companion. "THERE IS ONLY ONE HUMAN WHO WOULD DARE GIVE US RASPBERRY!!"

"WHO?"

"MARTY BURTON!"

Back on the Gamestation…

The adults stared at the screen.

"Yes! Go Spaceballs!!" Marty yelled, punching the air with her fist.

Jack moved his gaze to her. "Where did you even get a giant jar of raspberry jam?"

The Doctor shook his head. "I don't want to know, and I don't think you do either."

"You know what? I actually don't think I do."

"Thank you, Mel Brooks!!"

0--0

OHYEAH GO SPACEBALLS!!

That is an awesome movie. Truly hilarious.

"Ludicrous speed! GO!!"


	16. The Girl in the Fifties Dress

The Who Tales-

The Girl in the Fifties Dress

Set during 'Boom Town'…

Marty Burton stood on the railing next to Cardiff Bay in Wales, catching her breath. She had been running around, screaming and yelling, and just scaring people in general. Although she had quite enjoyed 'screwing with the wildlife', as she had described it to her best friend, Marty had absolutely _no _stamina, and she was totally out of breath.

A local boy noticed her. She was just a stranger standing by the Cardiff Bay on this chilly winter's night, but…

He summoned up his courage and went to lean on the rails next to this stranger. "Enjoying Cardiff, miss?" he asked, trying to make his smile as attractive as possible.

Startled, Marty screamed and toppled backwards off the railings onto the sidewalk, losing a shoe in the process. It went flying backwards into the street.

"Oh, my God, miss, I'm so sorry!" the boy gasped, quickly bending down to aid Marty.

"My goodness!" she laughed, claiming his hand. He pulled her up. "No, no, it's okay, you just scared me!"

"I'm sorry," the boy said. He blushed and rubbed the back of his neck.

Marty giggled. "'S alright, mate. So… what's yer name?"

"You're asking me my name? A complete and total stranger, and you're asking my name?"

"Just answer me, Welsh boy."

"Ben Chesterton," Ben Chesterton smiled.

"Marty Burton," Marty replied. They shook hands.

"Marty?" Ben asked with a laugh. "A girl called Marty?"

Marty's smile grew wide. "Only called. My real name's Martha, but I prefer to be called Marty."

"Ohhh," Ben nodded, rocking on his heels. "You don't sound like you're from 'round here."

Marty shook her head. "I'm not, no."

"Are you American?" Ben couldn't help but notice that Marty had an American accent.

"Er… yeah," Marty brushed some hair out of her eyes. "Seattle, Washington, to be exact."

"Ohhh," Ben repeated, then shook his head. "I've no idea where that is."

The pair laughed. "It's in the Northwest corner of the U.S. By the Pacific Ocean," Marty tried to explain.

They laughed again, and Marty shivered. "Bloody hell it's cold out here!"

"Oh!" Ben gasped. "There's a café I like to go to, and it's real near here. Would you… I don't know, maybe like to go there with me?"

Marty smiled, and this time _she_ nodded. "I'd like that."

Ben held out his arm, and Marty took it. Well, after she remembered that her shoe had gone flying, and Ben had gone to go fetch it for her.

Now wearing both shoes, Marty linked arms with Ben, and they set off for the café.

--

"So, Ben Chesterton," Marty began. "I like that name, Chesterton. Used to know a bloke called Chesterton. Was a bit wet, though."

Ben laughed outright. "Wow, Marty."

"What?" Marty shrugged. "I calls 'em as I sees 'em."

Ben burst out laughing. "You're insane."

"That's what they call me!" Marty gave a short laugh. Then she got a silly grin and looked Ben right in the eyes. "This is a date, right?"

Ben froze in his tracks. "Well," he looked right back at her. "Yeah, I guess it is."

They walked on.

"I'll have you know," Marty looked away to hide her devious grin. "This is my first date. Not just my first date with you, but my _first_ date."

"Ever?!" Ben gasped.

Marty shrugged again. "Pretty much."

"How old are you?"

"Fourteen. And you are?"

"Seventeen."

"Ha. 'S okay, Ben. I know this couple, the guy's _way _older than the girl, but I they just… _belong_ together. I swear they're freaking _soulmates."_

"Woah…" Ben was still in mild shock.

Marty nudged him, chuckling. "Get a grip, mate. 'S just a date. Mind you, my Dad was 'ere, you'd be _dead_."

Ben gulped. "Now I'm really scared."

They came to the café, called the 'Cat's Eye'. Ben pulled Marty's chair out for her, then seated himself. He ordered coffee, black, and Marty ordered chai tea.

"So…" Ben began, settling into his metal garden chair.

The Cat's Eye had brick walls with lots of plants, and the whole place had an alleyway-garden sort of feel.

"…Where's your family? You on holiday?" he finished.

Ben got a good look at Marty in here, for the Cat's Eye was lit brightly. She was short, he knew that. She had shoulder-length ginger-coloured hair, and her eyes were a deep blue, a blue he'd never seen anywhere else. Well, he'd seen a blue the exact same colour earlier…

Marty wore a teal 50's style dress, and her high-heels were exactly the same colour. She wore a black trenchcoat over it.

"No…" Marty looked distant. "My family's back home, in…. Seattle. I'm traveling with some mates. We're just stopping here for the night."

"Oh…" Ben sounded disappointed.

Marty quickly changed the subject. "You already know a lot about me. Tell me about yourself."

Ben blushed. "Um…"

Their drinks came, and Marty leaned back in her chair, observing the Welsh boy across from her.

Ben was tall and slender, with short, spiky brown hair and green eyes. It was a very pretty green, thought Marty, like a green apple. He had a piercing in one ear, just a little ring, and wore a dark winter coat, dark blue jeans, and red Converse. "_He wears Converse_," Marty thought, smiling.

"C'mon. I could go on about myself all night. My best friend analyzes it as a 'pathological need to talk about myself'."

"Analyzes?" Ben said aloud. _"What kind of mate does she has that _analyzes _things_?"

"Yeah, well, Kasaki's a genius."

"O-kaaaaaay…."

"Don't be shy!" Marty encouraged. "Just give me your basics!"

"Okay… my name's Benjamin Ian Chesterton, Ben for short. I'm 17 and my birthday is April 18th."

"Great!" Marty said. "I'll go next…

"The name would be Martha Lee Burton, aka Marty. I'm 14 years of age with a birthdate of October 31."

"Wow, Marty," Ben said again.

Marty laughed, and grinned another devious grin. "I want to be an actress," she challenged.

Ben grinned, too. "I want to be a cameraman."

"My favorite song is 'Rose' by Geoff Smith."

"Mine is 'A Day in the Life' by the Beatles."

"I have a bird called Janet that likes to eat people."

"I have a dog called Susan who once bit off our mailman's middle finger."

"My favorite foods are apples and bananas."

"My favorite foods are pizza and jelly babies."

"Really? I've never had any of those, though I have a mate who _loves _them," Marty looked genuinely surprised.

"Suppose it comes from growing up in America," Ben suggested.

"Could be…" Marty giggled.

The two spent the better part of an hour trading stories until…

It was a quiet moment when both Ben and Marty had stopped talking to take sips of their drinks.

"Wait… did you hear that?" Marty asked, sitting up proper.

"Hear what?" Ben was curious.

"Shh… listen. Here it is again."

Suddenly both the patrons and employees of the Cat's Eye heard a low, thunder-like rumble in the distance.

"What the hell was that?" both Ben and Marty asked at the same time.

Throwing on their coats, they dashed outside, totally forgetting to pay.

The rumble came again, and there was a small quake.

Marty must've realized what was happening, because she turned to Ben with a sad look on her face. "Ben, I gotta go."

"What?!" he exclaimed. "Why?!"

"I can't explain, but I have to go, right now," Marty looked seriously pained.

"I know this sounds cheesy and clichéd, but, will I ever see you again?" Ben asked.

Marty nodded. "Give me a photo and a telephone number. I promise to call you."

Ben pulled a pen and his wallet out of his pocket, and from the wallet he took a small school photo. He began to scribble his number on it.

"You, too," he shouted over the growing rumbles.

"I'm sorry, but I can only give you a photo," Marty yelled. "Like I said, we never stay in one place long, so there's not way for you to contact me. But I can call you, and maybe I can get a mobile phone. But until then…" Marty handed Ben her school photo and took his, with the number. "…This'll have to be enough."

"Goodbye!" Ben yelled.

"Goodbye, Ben Chesterton!!" Marty called over her shoulder as she ran off.

Then she was gone.

Ben stood, staring after Marty. It was hard to believe that he'd told a strange 14-year-old called Marty Burton his name, took her for coffee, and gave her his number. But he had.

Clutching the small school photo, Ben made his way home.

0--0

This is actually the first chapter in a story I wrote called 'Out on the Town', and it's about Marty and her relationship with a boy called Ben. In the end they get married. Yay!

So yeah. This is when everybody but Jack goes out on their 'dates' (giggle). And by the way, Marty's not really from Seattle (although I've been there, and I love it). That's just what she tells them Earth peoples...

Y'know, I actually wrote 'Out on the Town' so you can't tell it's a Doctor Who fanfiction. Well, you can if you know better.

Whatev.


	17. Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

The Who Tales-

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

Set during 'Bad Wolf'…

Marty stirred. "Bloody hell! My head… and everywhere else…" She sat up and looked around.

She was surprised to find that she was in a field. Not very far away she could see people, people in costumes, equipment, and a trailer or two. It looked like the set for a film.

Shakily she went over to where two men in caveman costumes sat arguing about something.

"Excuse me," said she. "Could you please tell me where I am?"

"Hey!" cried the guy who was holding what looked like a script. "This isn't in the script!"

"Finally some improvisation!" the other man exclaimed.

"What the hell?" Marty asked. She paused for a minute. "Hey… you guys look rather familiar…"

Suddenly she found herself on a busy London street corner. "What the-?!" she cried, but was knocked over as two dirty hobos ran by, one of them humming and yelling something about "The surprising adventures of me! Sir Digby Chicken Caesar!!"

Quite suddenly and randomly Marty once again changed locations. She was now in the biscuit aisle of a greengrocer's.

"Those hobos looked familiar, too…" she muttered to herself.

When all of a sudden all the biscuit boxes exploded. Marty ducked, trying to avoid the flying crumbs.

"What the bloody hell-?!"

Now she was in some kind of mall when a guy walked p to her. He had a green clarinet.

She ran for it then. "I think I know what's going on here…" Marty thought as she randomly changed locations again.

Marty appeared to be in some kind of radio booth. Two old guys sat in front of her, drinking beer and narrating a pool tournament.

"Too bad I always ignored this bit," she thought. "But I know where I am now!

"…I'm on 'That Mitchell and Webb Look'!!"

0--0

While her mates were on reality shows, Marty ended up in British comedy.

I love 'That Mitchell and Webb Look'. It's one of my favorite shows. The bits with the guy who could control biscuits and the green clarinet were awesome. Same with Sir Digby Chicken Caesar and where the people had the wardrobe that went to Narnia.

Kind of figures that Marty would end up in something like that.


	18. The Idiot's Mate

The Who Tales-

The Idiot's Mate

Set during 'Father's Day'…

Marty walked through the TARDIS on her way to the main control room where she knew the Doctor and Rose would be, when she passed an open door.

Although she walked by it at first, she noticed it a second later and backtracked. After all, doors in this place were not often left open.

Figuring what harm could it do, she wandered inside.

The room was brightly lit. It was circular and small and white, and control panels were in a smaller circle.

Cautiously Marty walked into the centre. There was a big screen on the far wall with flashing squares of red, blue, and yellow. Buttons on the control panels were the same colours.

She looked around. "What the hell…" she murmured.

A white, blank panel is the one that attracted the girl's attention. She walked up to it, made sure it was blank, and leaned on…

…a great big (threatening?) red button.

A girl appeared in the centre where Marty had been standing just a moment ago. She was tall with dirty-blonde hair and hazel-coloured eyes. The girl wore a yellow minidress, jeans, a white jacket, and blue Converse.

Her eyes widened when she saw the ginger-haired girl. "Marty!!" she cried, rushing forward and hugging her.

Marty was shocked. "Sora?!"

The girl apparently called Sora, leaned back. "I was so worried! They said you ran away!!"

"What the bloody hell?" Marty stared at her best friend. "Sora, you're never worried. How long has it been back home?"

"A month."

"Shit! It's only been like, week for me." Marty sighed. "And I suppose I did run away…"

"What is up with asking me about time?" Sora looked around. "Where the hell are we?!"

"Oh yeah. About that… long story short, we're on my mate's Time-and-Space ship, the TARDIS."

"_Tardis_?"

"Time And Relative Dimensions In Space. Oh!" Marty gripped her mate's shoulders. "The Doctor and Rose! We gotta tell them what's going on. C'mon!!"

She grabbed Sora's wrist and dragged her out of the room.

Marty pulled Sora through the TARDIS, never pausing to answer Sora's many questions, but Sora was naturally inquisitive and always asked questions, so Marty was used to ignoring it.

They ran outside just as Rose pushed Pete Tyler out of the way of that car. The two girls stopped, staring at Rose.

The Doctor turned around and noticed Sora. "Who's this?"

Marty pointed at the tall girl next to her, still staring at Rose and Pete. "Sora McCaffrey. My best mate since kindergarten."

Sora moved her stare from the Tylers to the Doctor. "Do you people do this often?"

0--0

How Sora got in 'Father's Day'.

I believe I was watching a programme about crop circles when I wrote this… (WTF?)

Great big threatining red button. 'The Christmas Invasion', in case you didn't catch that.

What is it with me and white rooms? I think I'm obsessed with them. Lately these things have been appearing in my stories a lot:

Photographs

White rooms

People saying 'what?' or 'what the hell?'

Converse

British accents

Random foods or animals

Random film quotes

…?


	19. Mickey's Reward

The Who Tales-

Mickey's Reward

Set during 'School Reunion'…

"How did he talk you into this?" Rose asked Marty as they headed into the greengrocer's.

Marty sighed. "'Member that prank I played on the Doctor?"

Rose nodded, laughing. "Who could forget that?"

"He helped me with it."

"I still don't see why he's making you buy him sweets."

Mickey walked back to the two girls, as he had dashed on ahead. "Cos I 'ave 'er boyfriend's number. An' if she don't give me a reward like she said she would…"

"Since when did Marty have a boyfriend?!" Rose exclaimed. "And anyway, it's not like you've known her forever. What're you gonna tell him?"

"Nice try, Rose," Mickey grinned. "But I 'ave the upper hand here."

"Pick anything you want Just make it under 50, I only have so much," Marty grumbled, blushing the same colour as the red checks on her skirt.

And so Marty ended up paying for three cans of Fruit Pastilles, five Mars bars, a box of biscuits and six cans of Dr. Pepper.

0--0

Or should it be called 'Mickey's Revenge'?

In 'School Reunion' Marty was posing as a student, but felt it necessary to wear her own school uniform instead of the one at whatever school they were at.

Our (this Marty and the character Marty) uniform is a white blouse with black vest and tie. Girls wear a red-and-black checkered skirt and boys wear red-and-black checkered pants. Girls can wear the pants but boys can't wear the skirt (sorry, Momiji).

I looooooove Fruit Pastilles. Especially the strawberry ones. X)


	20. Murder in the Dungeon!

The Who Tales-

Murder in the Dungeon!

Set during 'The Highlanders'…

The cell at Inverness was once again quiet.

But Marty of course soon grew bored of the quiet. "Hey, anyone wanna hear a riddle?"

Ben glared at Marty, his lesson learned. "I don't think so. You're not pullin' anythin' on my again anytime soon."

"Aye," Jamie agreed, although he still was in the dark about the whole 'I'm a man' joke.

"It was just a joke, so sue me!" Marty exclaimed. "And anyway, its just a harmless riddle."

"Mmm…" Ben considered it.

"I warn you though, it's rather hard. My mate Kelson told me an' my mate Claudia an' we totally _could not get it_. …Granted, we were seven…"

"Okay, I'm up to the challenge," Ben said boldly. He turned to Jamie. "You up to it, mate?"

"Uh… sure."

"Okay," Marty said excitedly. "This guy lived in his house all alone. One day, his neighbour went over to visit, but they couldn't find the guy. They searched all over his house, and finally found him…

"…dead in a closet!!"

"Closet?" asked Jamie.

"Er… pantry."

"_Pantry_?" Ben wrinkled his nose.

"Look, sailor, I'm trying to tell it so kilt boy over here can understand."

"Hey!" Jamie exclaimed.

"Anyway, the part of the riddle you have to solve is how the guy killed himself. Your clues are: there is a gash in his heart, and a watery puddle of blood on the floor. I say again, _watery_-"

"He stabbed himself with an icicle," the Doctor momentarily broke out of his reverie to cut Marty off.

Everybody stared at him, except for Colin, who was still unconscious.

"Damn you again, Doctor!!" Marty screeched, pointing at him.

"Again?"

"Yes, well, you see, I've already asked him this riddle, only for him it hasn't happened yet," the ginger-haired girl explained. "Well, this him, anyway."

"It hasn't happened yet?!" Jamie was, as usual, very confused. "How canna it not've happened yet?"

"I mean- oh screw this!" And Marty sat sulking in the corner.

0--0

OMFG! RIDDLE!!

TOM RIDDLE!!

Just kidding.

I got you though, didn't I.

Jamie probably would know what a closet was. I just thought it was funnier this way.

DX … the life of a comedy writer…


	21. Marty's Got Skillz

The Who Tales-

Marty's Got Skillz

Set during 'The Tomb of the Cybermen'…

In the base on Telos, the planet of the Cybermen, the group of archeologists was preparing to depart down the hatch.

"One moment," said the guy called Klieg. "Are we all to descend?"

"There is safety in numbers," Professor Parry pointed out.

"But the women?" Klieg asked arrogantly.

"Ah, yes," the Professor was reminded of Kaftan, Victoria, and Marty. "They will, of course, stay here."

"What?!" Marty exploded, voicing both hers and Victoria's thoughts. "We can go, too!"

"It's safer up here," Parry told her, annoyed.

"We can take care of ourselves! We're tough!" Marty shouted. "Right, Victoria?"

Victoria nodded. "Yes, we are."

"Victoria," the Doctor muttered quietly, "you will be _much_ safer up here."

Marty ignored his urgent whispering to the Victorian-age girl. "I can handle anything you throw at me! Watch this!"

She ran towards some random crewman who nobody had noticed before. They all wondered how he got in, as all the crew besides the archeologists were supposed to be fixing the rocket.

"Hiya!" Marty yelled. She punched the guy in the stomach and nose, chopped at his neck, and then kicked him in the groin. For a final demonstration, she leapt up and kicked him in the chest with both feet.

The guy went _down_.

Viner rushed over to aid the man while Marty the Taekwondo Master stepped into the centre of the room.

"That's how its done," she smiled confidently, rubbing the blood from the unfortunate crewman's nose off on her jeans. "See? I gots _skills_."

Everybody stared at her.

"I think she can come," Professor Parry mumbled. The men in the room murmured their agreement.

"My God," they heard Viner gasp. He turned to Marty. "I think you're killed him!"

0--0

I used to take Taekwondo. But then my school closed. I am pretty good, though. Still, I mean.

Wow, another Classic Who one. I really need to get some New Series in, huh? Well I asked my mate Morgon which one she wants to be in, as I let Sora be in 'Father's Day'. Morgon picked 'Tooth and Claw'. So we'll see how that goes. XD


	22. Word Games

The Who Tales-

Word Games

Set during 'The Highlanders'…

"Hey, boys, let's play a game," Marty said cheerfully, apparently done sulking. "And don't worry, it's an easy word game that doesn't make you look a fool unless you say something really, really stupid.

"I'm game," Ben turned to Jamie. "You?"

"I'll play."

"Okay. Let me explain the rules.

"Let's say I say 'apple'. Then Ben would say 'email' because it starts with an 'e'. So what you do is someone says a word, then you say a word which begins with the letter the last one ended with." Marty explained. "Got it?"

"What's 'email'?" Jamie asked.

"Yeah, I didn't get that, either," Ben agreed.

"Never mind that!" the ginger-haired girl snapped. "Let's just play! Jamie, you go first."

"Me?"

"Yes, you, now let's play before you make an even bigger fool of yourself."

"Uh… doll."

"Doll?" Ben gave the Highlander a withering look. "Really?"

"Just shut up!" Jamie exclaimed. "Marty, your turn."

Marty grinned. "Lethbridge-Stewart."

"What?" the boys asked.

"Oh, friend of mine. We, well, Jamie at least, I think, will meet him soon. Although I've already-"

"Please stop babbling, Marty," Ben groaned. It didn't help that they were stuck in a dungeon somewhere in 1746 and Marty was being a confusing idiot. "Besides, I don't think you can use names."

"Fine, whatever. That's a 't' for you, Benji," Marty frowned.

Ben ignored being called 'Benji'. "Talk."

"Ken," said Jamie.

"What?"

"Ken, you know, like… well, 'know'," Marty tried to explain.

Ben looked around at his cellmates. "I think the cultural differences are getting to us."

"Yeah. Let's try and do basic words, if we can," Marty sighed. "I say… nnn… number."

"Rat."

"Tree."

"Elephant."

"Elephant?" Jamie parroted.

"Just go with it, mate," Be advised. "Tar."

"Roar."

Marty gasped happily. "Raxicoricophaliptorious!!"

"_What_?!" Ben cried. "Weren't you the one who _just_ said 'let's do normal words'? And what's a rexicordlo… whosit, anyway?"

"Raxicoricophaliptorious," Jamie corrected.

"You can say it?! He can say it!"

"Well he can talk Scottish or whatever it is they speak, yeah?" Marty said.

"What has that got to do with anything?"

"Dia dhuit, love," Marty grinned.

"That's Irish, dipstick."

"Oh whatever!!" Marty cried angrily. She and Ben began yelling at each other, and Jamie contributed to the noise by shouting at them that it didn't matter so shut up.

The guard outside grew soon tired of listening to them argue. "Would you just bloody _shut up_?!" he bellowed, firing a shot into the cell that narrowly missed Marty's leg, tearing a hole in her long red-plaid skirt.

All shouting immediately ceased, and the only sound was Marty whimpering about the hole in her skirt.

0--0

Would Ben call Marty a dipstick? I just thought it was funny.

'Dia dhuit' is Irish Gaelic for 'hello'. Mmm yeah. This is the last one for 'The Highlanders', or at least the last one where they're in the dungeon.

They were in that cell for a lot longer than in the book…


	23. Jamie and Marty are in the Dark

The Who Tales-

Jamie and Marty are in the Dark

Set during 'The Tomb of the Cybermen'…

Okay, so what's happening is Marty, Jamie, the Doctor, and Victoria are on Telos, planet of the Cybermen, with some archeologists. Right now Jamie, Marty, and some bloke called Haydon are exploring a base-thingy.

--

"That's strange," said Jamie.

"What?"

Jamie was looking down at the silver-fish creature that lay in his hand. "You know, I could swear the wee thing moved."

All three of them looked at it, but it lay still.

"I don't like it," Haydon frowned. "Put it down, Jamie."

"Aww, but I like it!" Marty took it from Jamie. "It's cute!"

"It is not cute!" Haydon exclaimed, throwing Jamie a look that said 'what is the matter with this child?'.

Jamie shrugged, but Marty continued, "Well I think it is. I think I know what it is, too, but-" she flicked it a few times "-it's dead and harmless."

"Still, put it down."

"I won't!" Marty was defiant. "It'll make a nice pet, although the last time I got a robot pet, the Doctor chucked it in a lake…"

Jamie, thoughtful, took it back and set it on the floor.

"Come and look at this," said Haydon jovially. "The whole control panel- look!"

Neither of the time travelers had noticed it, but now it was all lit up.

"I wouldna touch it if I were you," Jamie warned.

Haydon ignored him.

Marty shivered. "Jamie's right. Let's get back to the Doctor now. I got a baaaaaaad feeling about this place."

Still Haydon ignored his companions. There were buttons to be pushed, discoveries to be made!

The ginger-haired girl glanced at her mate. "It's bad juju, man."

"Juju?" Jamie laughed at the strange word.

"Baaaaaaaaaad juju. Don't be laughing, mate. Bad juju, I tell ya."

Haydon then pushed a button down, stood back from the machine, and looked around the room.

Nothing happened. He turned back to the console, thumb upraised.

"Hold on awhile," Jamie held his hand out in a 'stop' motion.

There was something different about the room- the light had started to dim.

Now if there was one thing neither Marty nor Jamie liked, it was darkness. Darkness was the unknown. Darkness was death.

"Yipes!" Marty screamed.

Haydon turned to see what was the matter. In the dim light he could make out Marty and Jamie clinging to one another. He sighed and rolled his eyes, but he didn't care for the dark, either.

As the light dimmed, on the far wall a swirling circle appeared. More circles appeared, those spinning, too. The circles made a colourful and hypnotic thing that had Jamie entranced.

"Hey, Jamie," Haydon was concerned. "Snap out of it."

"Jamie. Jamie!" Marty snapped her fingers in his eyes, waved her hand in front of his face. The Scottish boy didn't budge.

Over the next two minutes, Haydon and Marty tried various ways to 'wake up' the hypnotized Jamie. Nothing work.

Finally Marty held her arm out, motioning for Haydon to step back. "If this doesn't work, nothing will."

Marty slapped Jamie hard, yelling, "Oi, prick!"

When even that didn't work, Marty turned and looked at the space man. "He's not in."

0--0

I really only used this for the 'Shaun of the Dead' line. (sighs) I'm hungry… think I'll go have some strawberries… :D


	24. Time Go BANG!

The Who Tales-

Time Go BANG!

Set during 'Time Crash'…

This was awesome. This was great. Aw, who was she kidding?

This was _fantastic_!!

Marty was back with the Doctor. She couldn't wait for something amazing and hopefully involving a lot of explosions to happen. Marty liked explosions.

"My room better still be there," she called as she dashed back farther into the TARDIS.

As she walked into the sunny lavender room that was still the same, just a little bit dusty, Marty thought, "Blimey, it's good to be home."

A few minutes later she ran back out into the main control room. "Hey, where's Mar-"

She didn't get to finish her sentence. Somewhere a bell tolled, and the TARDIS was rocking, shaking worse than Marty had ever felt before (and believe me, that's saying something). The weirdest bit was when she fell forward, it felt like she was in slow motion.

"Woah!" the Doctor exclaimed, while Marty yelped, "Cripes!"

Finally things were back to normal.

"What the hell was that?" Marty asked, standing up and dusting nonexistent dust off her shirt and jeans.

The Doctor started running around the console, pulling levers and pushing buttons, not answering…

Until he bumped into someone else, that is. Someone who was not Marty.

"What?" the Tenth Doctor cried.

"What?!" the Fifth Doctor shouted.

"What the bloody hell?!" Marty exclaimed.

It was official. Time had crashed.

0--0

I can already tell I'm gonna have to watch 'Time Crash' fifty billion times. Plus it's not on the DVDs so YouTube is gonna get a workout. I don't mind at the moment. I love Time Crash, it was hilarious.

And it was especially funny when I forced Mum, Dad, and Jake to watch it. (evil laugh)

Although when I showed Sora she didn't seem to think it was funny. Maybe Morgon will catch on better. We all know Kisa the Superditz won't.

She just finished the second series, and came to school today with tear-stained eyes. "My heart is broken," she said, handing me back my DVDs. "It's okay," I told her. "Ours did, too. You'll be over it in a day or so."

Kisa was actually the first one I lured into the Who fandom. And it was in a chatroom on deviantART. I told her the tragic love story, and she was hooked. Kisa Tu is even more a sucker for romance than I am.

Believe me, that's saying something.


	25. Names

The Who Tales-

Names

Set during 'School Reunion'…

Marty sat down next to Rose with her own box of chips. "Mmm… these are good."

She noticed Rose glaring at the Doctor and Sarah Jane, who were laughing together.

The ginger-haired girl leaned back in her chair, staring at the ceiling. "Susan, Barbara, Vicki, Dodo, Polly, Victoria, Zoe, Liz, Jo… Sarah Jane over there."

"What?" Mickey asked.

"Oh, nothing… Leela, Romana, Nyssa, Tegan, Peri, Mel, Ace, Grace… Granted, Susan was his granddaughter."

Rose looked murderous. She had guessed quickly enough what Marty was on about. "Granddaughter!"

"Mind you," Marty's head lolled over and she looked at her. "That's just the girls."

"What?!"

Marty jumped out of her seat so fast she knocked it over. "I'll be in the loo."

Mickey laughed.

--

Some time later Rose approached Marty. "That day in the chip shop. You weren't just messing with me, were you?"

Marty shook her head. "I wouldn't do that to you, Rose. The Doctor and Mickey, yeah, but never you. No, there's been all sorts of people."

Rose looked distant. "I just… I thought I was special."

Marty leaned forward and looked her in the eye. "You are, Rose, and don't _ever_ think you aren't. Because he loves those people, too, but the Doctor _really_ loves you. I'm _sure_ of that."

"Then why did you…?"

"You seemed so down right then. It was my way of letting you know that though there's been others, at least to me, you're special."

"Mmm… how d'you know all this, though?"

Marty smiled and tapped her head. "I don't. Not yet, anyway."

"But-"

"Adric, Harry, the Brigadier, Jamie, Jack, Ben…" Marty wandered away, still rattling off names with her hands in her pockets.

0--0

It got kinda touchy-feely there towards the end, didn't it? (shrugs) Oh well.

I did it! I named them all without looking!!

(What? A list? I don't have a list! That's ridiculous! Wh-why would I have a _list_? You're bloody delusional. R-really.)


	26. Hurricane Martha

The Who Tales-

Hurricane Martha

Set during 'The Girl in the Fireplace'…

"You know what the Daleks call him? Eh? They call him the…"

Right then the Doctor and Marty stumbled in, laughing. Marty wore a paper party hat and the top of her dress was about halfway unbuttoned (and it buttoned in front).

"Th-that was _fun_…" Marty stuttered.

"I know! My _God_, the French know how to party!! Although," the Doctor frowned. "I think I accidentally invented the banana daiquiri half a century early."

"But it was good!" Marty held onto one of the droids to keep from falling over.

"Look at what the cat dragged in, the Oncoming Storm!" Rose said angrily.

"And Hurricane Martha," Mickey added.

"Hey," Marty grumbled, slurring. "My _name_ is _Marty_. I don' like Martha."

"Thing is," the Doctor walked up to one of the droids. "You're so thick!"

"Bloody thick," the drunken teenager agreed, then slumped to the floor.

"Totally thick! Thick-thick-thickety-thick from Thickville, Thickania. And so's your dad!

"In fact, you're so thick, you probably think this is wine!" And the Doctor dumped his goblet on the droid's head, which shorted out.

He pulled off his tie and sunglasses and released Rose then Mickey, as the other droids had teleported away.

"Okay, Marty, you can stop it now," Rose grinned at the girl. "Great performance, though. I almost really believed you were drunk for a minute there."

Marty let out a groan.

"She actually is totally drunk," the Doctor scratched his head, trying to look innocent.

"What!" Rose quickly bent down and took the girl's head in her lap, attempting to check her eyes. "Doctor, how could you?! She's only fifteen!!"

"Why're you mad at me? It's not _my_ business what the idiot gets up to!"

"Yes it is! Why didn't you keep an eye on her?!"

"Cos he was too busy with his fancy French aristocrat," Mickey snorted.

"Ohh…" Rose patted Marty's cheek. "Marty! You should know better!"

"The man… he said it was only grape juice…" Marty moaned. "I only had one… I was so thirsty!"

"What're we gonna do with our drunken friend here?" Mickey asked, indicating Marty.

"He's right, we can't exactly take her along in this state," Rose agreed, buttoning the white dress back up.

The Doctor handed Mickey a key. "Mickey, go to the TARDIS. In the medkit there's a jar of purple pills. Bring that back."

"'Kay." Mickey ran off.

"That's a good doggie!" the Doctor called after him.

"Shut up!" Mickey shouted back.

"My head…" Marty whined. "I am _never_ drinking grape juice again!"

0--0

I'm not that stupid. I know what wine tastes like, and I wouldn't be so dumb as to drink a whole glass. Plus, I don't even like grape juice.


	27. Calculator Land?

The Who Tales-

Calculator Land?

Set during 'Voyage of the Damned'…

"Sto?" Marty asked, frowning. "Your planet's called 'Sto'?"

"Yes," Astrid nodded. "That's right. Why?"

"I could've sworn I heard that someplace else…"

She stood quiet for a minute, but then her face brightened as she remembered. "I know where!" Marty exclaimed.

She plunged her hand deep into a fold in her purple dress, and pulled out her scientific calculator.

"Lookit," Marty showed Astrid the calculator. On it was a button labeled 'STO'. "I wonder what that button does?"

"Press it," was Astrid's simple answer.

So Marty turned on her calculator and pressed the button that said 'STO' in green letters.

Nothing happened.

She pressed '5' and then 'STO'.

An 'M' appeared.

"What the hell?" she looked at Astrid.

The blonde woman shrugged. "I don't know what it means."

"Hey Doctor!" Marty yelled. "We need you over here."

The Doctor came over to them. "What?"

Marty pointed at the mystery button. "We don't know what this button does."

He glanced at the button, then threw Marty a withering look. "It's _your_ calculator, and you don't know what it does."

"I don't know what all the buttons on my calculator do! I only know this one, this one, that one, these two, and all of those ones." She pointed at the on button, the off button, both exponent buttons, the square root key, and the number keys.

Astrid laughed to herself.

"Still. What does that button do?"

"I really… don't know."

Now it was the Doctor's turn to receive a withering look. "You don't know."

"I don't know everything!"

"Wow." Marty looked at Astrid. "Wish I had that on tape!"

This of course caused Astrid to laugh again.

"Anyway, I guess now we'll never know." Marty sighed and tucked her calculator back into the seemingly invisible pocket.

The Doctor stared. "The hell?"

"I, unlike _some_ people, have pockets in my dresses," the ginger-haired teenager grinned and winked, and the Doctor didn't even bother to ask how she knew about Donna and all that.

Marty pulled the calculator back out. "Forgot to turn it off." She hit the off button, but when she slid its cover back on, it accidentally pressed the on button.

"Hey! The 'M's still there!"

Both the Doctor and Astrid leaned in to look. "Weeeeeeeird," they agreed.

Marty pulled out a small, totally normal screwdriver out of the pocket, and pressed the 'RESET' on the back of the calculator.

"Hmm…" she turned back to Astrid. "Does this mean you're from Calculator Land?"

0--0

I love my calculator.

It's never mean; it never malfunctions on me (like SOME electronics around here!!) ((glares at computer)), it's dark so it blends in with the shadows under my desk (so when I'm not supposed to be using it I do anyway and get away with it), and it has lotsa buttons that are easy!!

I love you, calculator!! X3

I noticed this when we were taking a test in maths yesterday, and I wondered about it. Does anybody know what that button does? Sora and Morgon and even my Mum didn't know (and mean ol' Mummy took away my screwdriver L)!

A mystery…


	28. Polar Bear Swim

The Who Tales-

Polar Bear Swim

Somewhere in the Time Vortex…

"Happy New Year!!" Four voices chorused.

"Ladies and gentlemen," said the man on the telly, "welcome to 2009."

Although the four time travelers- The Doctor, Rose Tyler, Captain Jack Harkness, and Marty Burton- weren't sure if it really was the New Year, Marty had decided it was for them.

So here they were, gathered in a room somewhere in the TARDIS with the BBC New Year 2009 broadcast on the telly, silly New Year's decorations, and champagne for the adults (Marty wasn't taking any chances whether she was 17 now or not).

She watched in amusement as a drunken Jack attempted to snog the Doctor as his Happy New Year greeting.

The Doctor pushed him off. He was still mostly sober. "Get off, Jack."

Marty laughed. "Sorry, love, but I don't think he rolls that way."

"Aww, but you enjoyed it before!" the American whined, stumbling over to Rose.

The Doctor merely eyed him, looking slightly annoyed.

After she had managed to knock him onto the floor (and don't take that the wrong way now, kiddies), Rose looked over at the Doctor. "What now?"

"Well, whenever I celebrated it with mine and Claudia's family, first we would take the little boys outside and watch the neighbour's fireworks," Marty told her friends, "but then we would come back inside and talk about random funny crap that had happened the previous year."

"Gwen got married, dammit," Jack sighed from the floor. "To that idiot Ross… Rick… Rupert… whatever his name is. And I know, I _know_, that she doesn't even really like him…"

Rose whacked him with a pillow. "Poor little Jacky's woes… none of us care!!" She laughed.

"Oh! I know something totally rad we could do!" Marty suggested brightly.

The Doctor threw her a look. "Did you really just say 'totally rad'?"

"Can it, pretty boy. I remember Mum and Nikki talking about this thing they used to do on New Year's."

Jack sat up, excited. "Ooh, what is it?"

"Apparently this beach somewhere near Springleaf Fields does this thing called a Polar Bear Swim where you go and have to swim a certain distance in the Stardust Strait in the icy January waters of the New Year."

"What's a Springleaf Fields?" Jack slurred.

"It's her hometown, stupid," Rose told him, smacking him with the pillow again.

But the two immediately thought this was a good idea, and the Doctor was just drunk enough to agree to take them to Ferrydock Beach in Anneaux, Apple Island.

--

"Ready?" Marty asked, shivering as she, the Doctor, Rose, and Jack stood in their swimsuits on the shore of the Stardust Strait, which was the body of water in between Apple Island and Washington State in the US on the planet of Athena, Marty's home planet.

"Yeah!" Jack and Rose exclaimed, dashing headlong into the freezing water.

"No!" the Doctor shook his head, but Marty grabbed his hand and dragged him in with her, shouting, "Allons-y, Doctor!"

They all screamed and shouted at the terrible cold but swam to the designated mark. Then they swam as fast as they bloody well could back to the shore and into the TARDIS' warmth where a pile of towels awaited them.

"Holy _crap_ that was cold!!" Marty cried, wringing out the big t-shirt she wore over her swimsuit.

Rose shook fiercely as she wrapped a big towel around herself. "Blimey, I have goose pimples!"

"That's kind of obvious," the Doctor grumbled.

"Cor, don't be such a whiner-baby," Marty scolded him, but he just ran his hands through his crazy brown hair, spraying her with water.

"And weren't we supposed to go back and talk to the people again?" he asked.

"Screw the people!" Jack declared grinning. "I'm going again… au natural!" He ripped off his t-shirt and swimming trunks and then stood there in all his naked glory.

Rose stared while the Doctor covered his eyes and Marty dropped to the floor, covering her head.

"Oh GOD!!"

0--0

I've just spent four cold, wet, windy days on a boat in the Stardust Strait. It was for a science field trip, and granted, I totally enjoyed myself despite the crappy weather conditions. It was actually the best trip I've ever been on, even better than when I went to Hoodsport with the Sparrows and Fu.

But it was like, yesterday, when we were just sitting in the cockpit of the boat waiting for the crew to tell us kids what to do when Colby shouted, "Holy crap lookit that guy!!"

We all turned to look and sure enough there was some idiot running towards the water, ripping his t-shirt off (cringe). He actually went into the water but then we could hear him yell even way off on our boat and he went right back out of the water.

I imagined how cold it must be, and then remembered Mum, Dad, and Claudia's mum Nikki talking about doing the Polar Bear Swim down at Ferrydock Beach, and I thought, "Hey!"

But I think you have to be like, 18 to do it. So Claudia and I made a plan that when we're old enough we're gonna do it. Heh heh heh…


	29. Not Bothered

The Who Tales-

Not Bothered

Somewhere in Time…

The Master was very excited. "I've finally come up with a foolproof plan to defeat the Doctor!

"If I kidnap that little idiot he drags around with him, then he'll have no choice but to rescue her, and I'll get him then!"

Out of sheer anticipation he threw his arms in the air. "It's brilliant!!"

Meanwhile on the planet of Cirque du Soleil, the Doctor, Donna, and Marty ascended the stairs of the big top tent to see one of the fantasy circus shows.

"The shows here are just _beautiful_," the Doctor informed his companions. Marty didn't feel it was necessary to point out that she had been to one years before.

The young woman looked more like she should be in the show and not watching it, wearing a light blue 'Corteo' shirt, a pink ballerina-style skirt, purple-and-pink striped tights (think Disney Cheshire cat), and light blue ballerina shoes. She hummed a song that Donna had heard from some film sometime…

Suddenly a hand reached from between the plastic tent flaps. It grasped Marty over the mouth, and before she could cry out, pulled her away.

Upon reaching their seats, Donna noticed that Marty was missing. "Hey, where'd Marty go?"

"Probably just to the loo," the Doctor said quickly. "Look, the pre-show performance is starting."

"Wouldn't she tell us if she was going, though…?" Donna trailed off as one of the actors scaled the rows, stealing popcorn along the way, and finally stopped behind the Doctor. She pulled him up by his collar and started playing with his already insane hair.

Donna couldn't help but laugh…

In some secret lair somewhere Marty stood, legs, middle, and shoulders bound to a wall. She was quiet, and blank look on her face.

The Master grew tired of waiting. "Well? Aren't you going to scream? Cry? Scream _and_ cry, maybe? Beg for your precious Doctor?"

"Well, I'm not all that bovverd, you see," she replied.

The Master stared at his captive, wondering what stupid Earth slang she was using. "'Bovverd'?"

Marty looked seriously at him, pointing at her face with her unbound hands. "Is this a bovverd face? To you?"

"What's-"

Marty cut him off. "I ain't bovverd."

"I never said-"

"Do I look bovverd?"

"I don't know, a-"

"I ain't bovverd. I ain't bovverd!"

"Okay! I get it!"

The ginger girl eyed him. "Why are you acting like a corny Disney villain, sir?"

"Wha- what?" The Master looked at her incredulously. "I'm not acting like a corny Disney villain!"

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"How, then? Tell me how, if you're so 'not bovverd'."

"But I'm not."

"Not what?"

"Bovverd."

The Master sighed. "Yes, I gathered that."

"Well, it's just…" Now it was Marty's turn to sigh. "Kidnapping the girl is just _so_ clichéd! I mean, dude. You're the _Master_! Come up with something a little more evil, please."

"Just shut up," he said, for lack of a response.

"What? Don't tell me what to do! Are you insulting me?!" Marty's voice grew angry.

"Er, no."

"Are you insulting my family?! You calling my mum stupid? Are you calling my dad lazy (even if he IS lazy)?!"

"I thought you weren't bothered."

She immediately cooled down. "But I'm not."

The two were silent.

"I ain't bovverd, you know," Marty told him casually.

"Yes!"

"But I ain't bovverd."

"I-"

"Is this a bovverd face?"

"N-"

"Is this a bovverd face?"

How long was she gonna keep this up?! "Wh-"

"It's not, cos I'm not bovverd."

"Y-"

"I ain't bovverd."

"Ah-"

"I ain't bovverd."

Finally the Master had had enough. He quickly slapped some electrical tape over her mouth.

"Ahm shtill not bovverd," she tried to say through the tape.

Another piece.

"Ah ain bovd."

Yet another.

Suddenly Marty began waving her hands at him, and anyone who could read intergalactic sign language could tell she was saying "I ain't bovverd" over and over again.

When he'd had enough of that, the Master bound her hands, too.

But then he heard it quite clearly in his head.

"I ain't bovverd. Do I look bovverd to you? Cos I ain't. This is not a bovverd face. I ain't bovverd, you know. I ain't bovverd."

The Master seemed to recall someone saying that the girl had psychic abilities.

"Gaah!!" The Master shouted. He unbound Marty and began to drag her back to the transportation device. "I can't take it anymore!!"

On Cirque du Soleil the show was over and Donna was worried.

"Not in there?" the Doctor turned to his other ginger companion as she returned from the ladies.

Donna shook her head. "Where could she be?"

"That's what I'm won-"

The Doctor stopped speaking abruptly as he saw familiar faces approaching him through the crowd. He stared in disbelief.

"Hey, that guy's got-"

The Master cut Donna off as he shoved Marty at the Doctor.

"I don't know how you stand it. I just don't get it! That is the most ridiculously annoying thing in all of Time and Space!!" the Master exclaimed. "I tried. But she just will not _shut up_! And I can't even kill her! So _you_ take her! Gaaaah!!"

He stomped off.

The two adults stared after him, while Marty pulled the electrical tape off her face.

"Nearest pub's on Queens!" she shouted after him.

Donna looked at her now. "Who was that?"

"More importantly, what did you do to him?" the Doctor threw a look at Marty.

"Nothin'. Just followed her example." Marty hitched a thumb at Donna as she rubbed her sore cheeks.

"Me? What did I do?" Donna looked puzzled.

Marty looked seriously at her. "I ain't bovverd."

"Ohhh," Donna nodded as if that explained everything.

Though the Doctor was still clueless, something told him not to ask. "Er, let's just go home."

His companions agreed, and they left.

0--0

Yes. I have watched 'The Catherine Tate Show'.

Apparently Donna acted like Lauren in school. It makes me laugh. Muchly.

It's strange. I have this weird nagging feeling that I've done something wrong, but I can't think of what it would be. It's been there since last Monday, before I left for the Voyager trip.

Maybe it's Quantum Leap withdrawal. For some reason it's not on Ion. Stupid 'ER' is. (grumbles)

I had this picture in games today of Marty and Rose playing 'Monkey in the Middle' with a Dalek. So it couldn't catch the ball period, right? And they took away it's death-gun so it couldn't exterminate anybody.

That would be funny, I think.


	30. Marty and Morgon's Christmas Invasion

The Who Tales-

Marty and Morgon's Christmas Invasion

Set during 'The Shakespeare Code'…

Morgon Smith and Marty Burton sat and watched as William Shakespeare flirted with Martha Jones.

Legs dangling over the side of the stage, Marty gently kicked her brown-haired friend. "He certainly looks a hell of a lot like Professor Kochanski, don't he?"

Morgon studied the man's face. "Come to think of it… he does!"

The two laughed.

"So anyway, what do you think of witches now that you've yelled 'Expelliarmus' at them?"

Morgon laughed again. "I still like magic. I still like Harry Potter."

"Good to know," said a voice behind them, and when the two teenagers turned around there stood the Doctor. He grinned, then adjusted the stiff collar around his neck and approached William and Martha.

"This looks kind of Sycorax," he thought out loud, indication the skull in his hand.

"It does," Marty agreed as she and Morgon scrambled to their feet to join them. She was quiet as the others spoke.

"Can I borrow that?"

The Doctor handed her the skull. "Sure…" he said, puzzled.

She took it. "C'mon, Morgon!" Marty raced off, her mate following.

"What are we doing?" the bespectacled girl asked.

"You'll see!"

The adults looked on in amusement. "I have a feeling our young ladies have something in store for us," William said.

Not long after Marty and Morgon returned.

Marty wore white pyjamas with blue stripes, her feet bare, with her hair expertly styled like the Doctor's. Morgon wore the skull and red robes, and they each carried a big sword.

"Idiot Theatre presents," Marty announced, "a short play for you; 'The Christmas Invasion'!"

"'Idiot Theatre'?!" Morgon hissed at Marty, but the ginger-haired girl elbowed her.

"With Marty Lee Burton acting the part of the Doctor, and Morgon Smith as a Sycorax bloke. Let the show begin!"

Marty finished speaking, and then she and Morgon struck dramatic poses with their swords.

"I challenge you!!" Marty shouted. She and Morgon made cheering noises.

Both girls then swung their swords together and dashed all over the stage in their swordfight. Finally Morgon knocked Marty to the edge of the stage.

She brought her sword down…

…And seemed to hack Marty's hand off.

"Holy crap! My hand!!" Marty exclaimed, lifting her empty sleeve. Then she rolled to the side and leapt to her feet. "Lucky for me I'm still within the first 15 hours of my regeneration."

Her hand rose, totally fine, out of her sleeve.

Grinning, the ginger-haired girl waggled her eyebrows at the Doctor, then ran across the stage and picked up another sword. "This hand…"

Morgon charged at her.

"…Is a fightin' hand!!"

The two teenagers fought some more, until finally Marty pushed Morgon off the stage.

"Fin!" Marty yelled, helping Morgon back up. They bowed as the adults clapped.

"Cute," Martha commented when the girls rejoined them.

Morgon shook her head, her short hair slightly frizzy because of the skull. "An Oscar-worthy performance."

"They don't give plays Oscars," Marty told her.

"Then what do they give plays?"

"…I don't know."

"Hah! Thought so."

William laughed. "A finer performance I will never see anyplace else."

Grinning and laughing, the two mates went to put their own clothes back on.

"Where did they even get those costumes?" Martha asked the Doctor.

"I dunno," he shrugged. "Funny part is, it's based off a true story."

Martha stared at him, dumbstruck, and William, who was completely clueless, laughed even more.

Then Queen Elizabeth showed up. As Martha and the Doctor fled the theatre, the Doctor shouted, "Run, girls!!"

Marty and Morgon returned, only to find swords and bows pointed at them.

"Bugger, they said in unison and also laughing, ran off.

0--0

First of all I would like to dedicate this chapter to Dead Composer, who left me my first flame since my return to FanFiction. :D

Is this Morgon's first story? By Jove, I think it is.

Introducing Morgon Smith; Dalek, leader of the Cult of Fangirls (which she is the only member of), and the Queen of Ireland.

She's in Marty's version of 'Tooth and Claw', or she's supposed to be, anyway, but I just haven't thought of anything funny for that yet. (shrugs)

I've had this in my head for a long time, and originally Morgon is supposed to be Kasaki, but… Morgon would be funnier in this part, methinks.

Professor Dave Kochanski is my Drama professor and old English professor. I've always thought he bore a strange resembalance to William Shakespeare, especially the guy in 'The Shakespeare Code'. The first run of my play was today. 'Sir Gawain and the Green Knight'. A kid's play, so I doubt you've heard of it, but it's funny, and I play Queen Guinevere.

Anyway, enjoy! Summer's nearly here!!

(Well, not in Apple Island, anyway. We're having June-uary, same as poor Seattle.) ((sighs))


	31. Doctor Steve

The Who Tales-

Doctor Steve

Somewhere in Time and Space…

"Doctor, can I ask…" Donna began. "What _is_ your name? I mean, you can't have been called 'Doctor' since you were a child."

"Although it would be hilariously traumatic, and if that is indeed the case I can see why you're such an emo sometimes," Marty laughed.

The Doctor looked at them seriously, frowning. "I'm not an emo. And besides, how would you know?"

Donna put her hands on her hips. "Well, because your parents can't have been _that_ batty, although it would explain a few _more_ things. Like the suit."

"What is everyone's problem with the blue suit? Always complaining about how I always wear the same thing and then when I change it up, oh no, don't like that."

"Yeah," Donna said, "cause it looks horrible."

Marty licked a raspberry lollipop. "Yum." She then smiled again. "Oh, I don't know. I think he looks sexy in the suit. Then again, I think he'd look sexy in just about anything in that body."

The Doctor and Donna stared at her, eyes wide in freaked-out-ness. A random butterfly twittered past.

"What? I calls 'em as I sees 'em."

"Anyway, your name…" Donna turned back to the Doctor. "You have to have one. A normal one. (As normal as it can get with you, anyway.) One you were born with."

"It's a secret."

"What? Why?"

"Tell us, emo boy," Marty piped up.

"I'm not emo! And it's secret because it is."

"Tell me," Donna insisted.

"No," the Time Lord retorted.

Marty sat down on the floor, tired of standing. "I like Quantum Leap…" she murmured.

"Okay, Marty," Donna turned to the young woman, who stood up again. "You know everything about him. What's his name?"

"I don't know his name, but I think they called him Theta Sigma or something like that when he was at the Academy. And besides. I don't know _everything_ about the Doctor, Donna Noble. Like, I don't know what colour knickers he's wearing."

Once again Marty got stares from the adults as the random butterfly went by again.

"Anyway, tell me your name."

"No."

"I'm hungry," Marty commented.

"Tell me your name, dammit!" Donna shouted angrily.

"No!" the Doctor yelled back, equally pissed off.

Marty had put her iPod earphones in in an attempt to drown out the row. "Blake Lewis rocks," she proclaimed to no one in particular.

FIVE HOURS LATER…

"ALL RIGHT, FINE. Bloody _hell_ you two can talk! Will it make you _be quiet_?!" The Doctor's defenses had caved in. Meanwhile, the butterfly flew past again.

"Yes," Donna said happily.

"Of course, dearie," Marty cheerfully agreed.

Grumbling, the Doctor pulled a scrap of paper and a pen from his pocket and scribbled something down. He shoved the piece of paper at Donna before stalking off.

Donna looked down at the paper in her hands, and Marty stood on her tiptoes, trying to see over Donna's shoulder.

The paper said one word.

'_Steve._'

"…………….."

0--0

Meet the RANDOM BUTTERFLY OF DOOM!!

This isn't mine. It was written by SarcasticFox on deviantART, then I drew it, then I decided it would make a good Who Tales. And for some random reason I put a butterfly in all the 'awkward silence' panels. (Remember Max's motto, kiddies…) Also, I modified it to have Marty in it.

I've got an idea for a new story. It would be a oneshot, about the Doctor talking Rose to a Cirque du Soleil show. Because I went to go see 'Corteo' a few weeks ago, and was totally enchanted, so Mum started renting DVDs. So I've seen 'Corteo', 'Varekai', and 'Saltimbanco'. Corteo is my favourite, but maybe cos I saw it live.

Anyway, it would be… well, you'll see if I write it.

School's out in a day and a half!! XD


	32. Christmas at the Tyler's

The Who Tales-

Christmas at the Tyler's

Sometime in the 90's…

"Are you sure about this?" Ben whispered.

Marty readjusted her position. "Course I am."

"Then why can't you come up with a decent answer as to why we're doing this?"

She paused. "Well…"

"Exactly!"

Marty Burton and her boyfriend, Ben Chesterton, were sneaking quietly into the Tyler's flat on Christmas Eve, carrying a red bicycle.

"How do you know she even wants this?" Ben asked, shutting the door cautiously.

"Well, the Doctor mentioned it once, and Rose looked surprised, but when I asked her about it, she said that she had wanted a red bicycle for Christmas when she was 12, but never actually got it."

"So you wanted to make sure she got her red bicycle. Why didn't you just say that before?"

Marty thought about it. "Well… I just couldn't find the right words."

"You're an idiot."

"You're a smart-arse."

"You're-"

Ben cut himself off as they came into the living room. There, setting a red bicycle down behind the Christmas tree, was the Ninth Doctor.

"Doctor?!" both Marty and Ben exclaimed as loudly as they dared.

"Marty?!" the Doctor replied, looking shocked.

"What the hell are you doing here?" all three people asked at the same time.

"Giving Rose a red bicycle for Christmas," Marty said, "and it looks as if you're doing the same."

"I am… who's that?" The Doctor indicated Ben.

"Why, its…" Marty stopped herself. The Doctor had never met Ben in his Ninth incarnation, and he wouldn't, not for a while. "… A mate of mine."

"Oh. Hmm. Well, one of us is gonna have to take the bicycle back, and mine's already in place."

"That's not fair, we bought this with our savings!" Ben protested. Just then they heard a quiet voice behind them.

"Who're you and what're you doin' in my livin' room?"

When Ben, Marty, and the Doctor turned around, there stood a young girl. She had light brown hair, and big brown eyes. Her pajamas were red flannel with a Christmas light pattern on them.

"Crap," both Ben and Marty muttered.

The Doctor came to the rescue. "Why, we're Santa Claus's… helpers. We brought you a red bicycle for Christmas, just like you wanted." He pointed at the bike in the two teenager's hands. "See?"

"But there's no such thing as Santa Claus," the young Rose argued.

"Course there is! Otherwise we'd be out of a job!" Ben said, as if Rose's comment was the silliest thing he'd ever heard. Marty nodded vigorously.

"You don't look much like elves, anyway," Rose said. "And he has a Northern accent," she pointed at the Doctor, "and she has an American accent."

"Elves are diverse, of course," Marty scolded. "Don't, like, be rude, cos then you don't get nothin' but rocks for Christmas."

Rose raised an eyebrow. "Don't you mean coal?"

"Naw, that's a long time ago. It's rocks now."

"Well I think you're just a bunch of nutters broke into my livin' room." Rose raised her voice. "Mu-"

Marty dropped the bike, right onto the Doctor's foot, and clamped a hand over Rose's mouth. "Now that's _really _naughty, Rosie dear." She directed Rose back to her bedroom, hand still over the 12-year-old's mouth. "How 'bout I just tuck you back into bed and you can go back to sleep so morning comes and you can ride your new bicycle?"

Ben heard a crash, and turned to see the Doctor lying on his side.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Ben asked.

"Well, y'see, I had been holding my foot, cos it hurt, and I fell over."

Behind his glasses Ben rolled his eyes. "God, you're as bad as Marty."

The Doctor stood up. "Hey. Watch it, young man."

Marty quietly shut Rose's bedroom door. "I've convinced her. Now let's get that bicycle out of here before Jack-"

"Mickey, you stupid oaf!! Be more quiet!"

"Who says 'stupid oaf' anymore?! And besides, I'm not the one who had to get the biggest bike in the store!!"

"But the woman said it was the fastest!!"

"And you believed her?!"

Just then Mickey Smith and the Tenth Doctor entered the flat via the balcony, also carrying a red bicycle. They looked up and saw Ben, Marty, and the other Doctor.

The room was filled with a chorus of "Shit."

0--0

Was watching 'The Doctor Dances' and a thought came into my head.

This is actually kind of seriously written, if you know what I mean (but I understand if you don't. I confuse myself sometimes.), but I just had to post it.

Ben Chesterton is Marty's human boyfriend, met in 'Boom Town', yadda yadda yadda, you'll all find out eventually. Just go with it, Ben's a nice guy.

Okay, advertisement time. For those of you who enjoy The Who Tales and the hilarity of Marty, I've posted the first story and the first two chapters of the second story in my series 'Marty's Lessons', the story of how Marty met and joined the Doctor.

The first story is 'A Lesson on Investigation', Marty's version of the First Series episodes 'Aliens of London' and 'World War Three', telling how she met the Doctor and Rose and how she helped (well, she didn't really help, but she was there) defeat the Slitheen.

The second is 'A Lesson on Museum Exploration', Marty's 'Dalek'. Her first adventure with the TARDIS crew in a time not her own goes a little off when they find out what Henry Van Statten has in the basement.

Yes, I know you all know how it goes, but this is Marty's version from her point of view. It tells a lot about her and her past, with the added hilarity of it being Marty Burton. So will somebody please read it, cos I've only got _six _bloody reviews on the first one and so far _none _on the second!! (By the way, you can also review this story, that'd be nice. :D Sorry I've resorted to begging but without your support I'm just not feeling inspired.)


	33. Big Liar

The Who Tales-

Big Liar

Set during 'The Three Doctors'…

_The Third and Second Doctors, Marty Burton, Jo Grant, Sgt. Benton, and Dr Tyler are in the cell in Omega's realm. The Doctors are explaining about the legends of Omega and such when Dr Tyler feels something hit his head._

Dr Tyler: _(turns to see Marty crouching in the corner, glaring darkly at him. She flicks another coloured bead at him and it bounces off his forehead.)_ Ow! What did you do that for?

Marty: _(stands up, strolls over to group)_ I'm really quite bored, you know. _(sighs, then brightens)_ I know! Let's play a game!!

Three:

_(at the same time) _No.

Two:

Jo: Come on, Doctor. I don't see the harm in a little game. What kind is it, Marty?

Marty: _(grins)_ A little word game…

Three:

_(at the same time again)_ NO.

Two:

Marty: Aw, come on! It's not a _bad _thing, like that one time. _(briefly snickers)_ All you have to do is-

Two: Now, Marty, I can understand that being captured is…

Marty: _(crosses arms, shifts her weight to one foot, and glares/pouts)_

Two: _(eyes widen) _Well, er… it's just very rude to play that trick like you had on poor old-

Marty: _(brightens again) _Jamie! How is he, by the way? _(blushes) _Doing all right?

Two: _(cheerfully) _Quite fine, thank you-

Three: We really should be looking for a way out!

Marty: _(changes subject) _So anywho- _(giggle)_ -it's a game I picked up in my _geisha _days, called 'Big Liar'.

Benton: Sounds interesting.

_Three glares at him, and he shrinks back slightly behind Jo._

Marty: Everyone tells two stories- one true and one not. You must choose which is true and… well, whenever I played it, the loser had to drink a penalty glass of _sake_, but since we don't seem to have any-

_A bottle of _sake_ suddenly appears in her hand. _

_They all stare._

Marty: What the fucking hell?

Benton:

_(together) _How'd that get there?!

Two:

Jo: It just appeared!!

Marty: Sir Points-Out-the-Obvious-a-Lot.

Jo: _(glares)_

Marty: So I guess if we ever _do _get out, someone shall be more than a bit tipsy!

_They stare._

Marty: What?

_An awkward silence._

Marty: _(shrilly) _Awkward silence!

_More silence._

Marty: Gay babies!! _(laughs)_

Everybody: _(sighs, rolls eyes, etc.)_

Marty: So, who goes first? Shall I?

Three: _(sarcastically) _Why not?

Marty: Well, thanks! I never thought you'd be so enthusiastic, Three!

Three: _(rolls eyes)_

Marty: All right, this is the first story. One time I was going to go to a concert, but ended up in 1876 in Scotland. I soon found myself the guest of some Lord-y bloke and had to save Queen Victoria's ass from a werewolf, though she ended up being bitten anyway and I can say with absolute certainty that half the royals in Europe are werewolves!

_Silence._

Benton: You're not serious.

Marty: _(grins) _I could be. I could not. It's up to you.

Jo: I don't believe you!

Marty: _(shrugs. Laughs as she talks) _I told you! You just have to figure it out yourself.

Dr Tyler: Tell us the next one.

Three: _(glares)_

Dr Tyler: Well it _is _a rather fun little game. I want to see what other little tale Dr Burton might've cooked up for us.

Marty: Well, _technically_ it's Dr Beckett, as that's the name I earned my degree under, but whatev. So, the next story is that another time I went to an amusement park with my boy Jack and we rode in bumper boats.

Now, which is true and which is not?

Jo: I think the first one is false.

Benton:

_(together) _Agreed.

Dr Tyler:

Three: I wouldn't be so sure.

Two: It's entirely possible.

Benton: So which is it, Marty?

Marty: _(giggles) _The second one is false.

Jo: No! You're kidding!

Marty: _(a tone of laughter in her voice) _I'm not. The first one really is true.

Benton: But…

Two: Ha! I was right!

Marty: I _have _taken Jack to amusement parks, but we couldn't get him to go in the bumper boats, he just freaked out.

Three: _(is slightly amused)_ So the Queen is a werewolf?

Marty: If you're right, then the 'gene' or whatever doesn't fully develop until the 21st century, my original time, but still… _(giggles) _It's funny.

Dr Tyler: Well, I never! _(laugh) _Are you certain!

Marty: Positive!

Three: What do you mean, if _I'm _right?

Marty: Well, you did say… um. …Y'see, it _did _happen. For _me_. It hasn't happened to you two… yet.

Three: Ah, I see.

Two: …What?

Marty: So who goes next.

Dr Tyler: I will!

Marty: All right. Go.

Dr Tyler: Well, one day when I was in university…

_He begins his anecdote. Suddenly there is a slight shift in the air. Jo glances at Marty and sees her holding with wide eyes a big, cartoon-y, ninja panda stuffed animal._

Jo: How did THAT get there?!

Marty: That's what I'd like to know! It simply appeared!! Just like the bottle of _sake_.

Benton: _(looks it over)_ It sure is a funny thing.

Marty: You know, a long time ago, way back when I was still with my Mum and Da, I won a kung fu panda like this at the county faire… but that thing's back with… erm.

Jo: So you just thought about it, and it appeared?

Marty: Sort of willed it.

Jo: Wait… will!

Marty: …What?

0--0

Even if it's a Classic Who episode you haven't seen, you should read these anyway. Cos they're funny.

Isn't this awesome? I haven't written a good one of these in so bloody long. It feels good to be back. Even if I do have the stomach flu/strep throat. Yeah, I'm really sick right now. Which is why I'm able to type this. If I wasn't, I'd be out slaving away at cleaning the garage with my idiot brother.

Written in script format. Just cos it's actually easier. So if you don't like it, tell me. I do think you get more detail when I write it the normal way, but whatever, it's up to y'all. (Yep, another excuse to try and get reviews.)

So this is when they're all in the room, right before Jo points out that if Omega can will things to happen, then so can the Doctors.

I was watching 'The Three Doctors' for the second time the other day, and thought about a part I had read about in _Memoirs of a Geisha_ by Arthur Golden, and I had already decided that one of the many things Marty had done after she was sucked into the past and forced to live on Earth until she met the Tenth Doctor again was be a geisha. So she knew this game.

Also… So Marty is sort of one of Three's assistants at UNIT, kind of like Jo. She's a quantum physicist. And obviously her 'true story' in the game was a very short summary of the Ten and Rose episode 'Tooth and Claw'.

I really did take Jack to an amusement park where he wigged out about the bumper boats. And I really did win a kung fu panda toy at the county faire. I named him Po, like the panda in the 'Kung Fu Panda' movie, which was frickin' hilarious.

Ummmmm… think that's it, all the footnotes, if you will. Patrick Troughton is my most favourite-est Doctor ever. I love him!! XD

Also, my iPod hates Linkin Park. Every time I set it on 'shuffle', it NEVER plays Linkin Park. Weird.

Hopefully I'll write more soon, but I'm so busy with school now. But I'm re-posting 'Doctor Who and the Real World' on deviantART, so you can see the new 'n' revised version on there. Also… I will update everything else someday. When my dream comes true…

…Is that how the song goes? Whatever. I don't know. Bye now.


	34. Coat of Pwnage

The Who Tales-

Coat of Pwnage

Pike Place Market, Seattle, WA, 2007

The Doctor was growing tired. Rose, Marty and himself had been walking through the riveting streets of a seafront market, and it was the fifth time that day that Marty had stopped to admire her beloved black trenchcoat.

He stopped and turned. 'You are _obsessed _with that coat, aren't you?'

Unbeknownst to the Doctor but beknownst to us (and Marty, who didn't care), Rose considered a thought- 'That girl has issues.'

'I have very right to love this coat!' Marty cried. Locals exploring the market threw her a glance, but didn't really notice otherwise. 'I bought it with my _own bloody birthday_ _money_ for 87 vare!'

Rose was confused, not knowing the conversion between UK pounds and Appelian dollars. 'Is that a lot?'

Marty's temper flared. 'IT'S A HELL OF A LOT!!' she shouted, although immediately cooled down and began, 'But anyway…'

The other two time travelers could not help but be reminded of an infomercial host as she ticked off a list of facts about the coat. 'This coat is awesome! It had transdimensional pockets, it's warm, and it can make _anything_ look good.'

'Anything?' the Doctor was skeptic, and in his head, added, 'Yeah right.'

'Even this Dalek!' Marty slid the coat off her shoulders and onto a Dalek that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere next to her. As she grinned quite madly, she held her hands out, displaying the Dalek like a gameshow assistant showing a prize.

'Where the hell did that come from?' Rose thought. Somehow she didn't really register it when the Doctor replied, 'Do we even want to know?'

The Dalek was silent, simply sitting with the trenchcoat draped around its "shoulders". Marty watched it, a quizzical expression on her face.

Startling several people (including Marty, who jumped about 5 feet in the air), the Dalek suddenly shouted, 'I LIKE THIS COAT. IT NOW BELONGS TO THE DALEKS!!'

It turned and began to wheel away.

'Wait… what? N-no!!' Marty exclaimed.

The Doctor and Rose watched as the insane ginger teenager chased the Dalek around stalls of fish, vegetables, jewelry, fruit, and other goods. 'GET BACK HERE, DAMMIT!!!' she screamed.

'NO!' the Dalek yelled in reply.

Rose shook her head. 'O-kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay…'

The citizens of Seattle also watched and dodged out of the way of the frantic chase with quizzical eyes.

The Doctor's reply to Rose's comment was simple; 'Rose, it's _Marty_.'

0--0

My legs hurt…

Because we ran a mile in gym class yesterday. In 34 degree (Fahrenheit) weather. Y'know, I took aerobics so I wouldn't have to do all this running shit…

So this Is a based off a comic I made last year, I seem to remember doing it during history class. Must've been having an extreme case of trenchcoat love that day. I got it in a girl's clothes catalog, by the way. Transdimensional pockets don't actually come with it, that's something I added...

I needed to post something. I'm sorry, but I just haven't been feeling motivated to write any fan fiction lately. Originial stories, yeah, writing those like a maniac.. really sorry. I have another comic I can turn into a Who Tales and post, and an English project we did recently. You'll see why it counts as Doctor Who fan fiction when it's posted.

I've never been to Pike Place Market, by the way. It's in Seattle, Washington, which is in America if you didn't know. I go to Seattle all the time, you think I woulda been, but no. We were going to go one summer, but that's the summer I was so sick.

Right. Well, plz review.

PS- 1 vare = 1 American dollar. 'Vare' is our money system- 'vare' is dollars and 'kai' is cents, and it has just about the same worth as American money.


	35. The Ulitmate Challenge!

The Who Tales-

The Ultimate Challenge!!

The outdoor fields of Springleaf Fields Middle School, Springleaf Fields, Apple Island…

The field was silent.

At one end, Marty Burton, quietly calculating. At the other, an impassive Dalek. And on the sideline, Rose Tyler, looking terribly afraid and thinking, 'OhGodohGodohGodohGOD!!'

Finally the Dalek spoke. 'WHY DO YOU HESITATE?'

Rose couldn't bear it any longer. 'Just _end it_, Marty!!!' she screamed.

Time seemed to slow down as Marty closed her eyes. She rid her mind of all thoughts, then, opened her eyes wide. Grinning, she raised the stick she was holding above her head and shouted, 'Prepare to _lose_, Daleks!!'

It wasn't just any stick of course. Decked out in a red t-shirt with a yellow lightning bolt, white gym shorts, trainers, red leg warmers, and a ponytail, the net of Marty's lacrosse stick was hanging back with the weight of the thick white lacrosse ball.

With every bit of strength she had, she pulled back and flung the ball. It soared over the team of Daleks, each frantically waving their sticks around as best they could.

The ball landed with a clunk in the bucket of the Daleks'.

Rose stood up and ran toward the winner. The two young women flung their arms into the air, yelling, 'GOOOOOAAAAAALL!!!'

The final score was this- Team TARDIS: 12 to Exterminators: 11. Team TARDIS, being Marty, was the winner.

On the Exterminators' side, the three team Daleks rolled away.

'Dammit,' said one.

Another's eyestalk looked down disappointedly. 'This sucks, man!'

The third raised its sucker and gun in the air in disgust. 'Lost to an Athenean _kid_!'

The Doctor strode up to the Exterminators' captain. Smiling, he crossed his arms and looked at it pointedly. 'Give it up, Daleks.'

'_FINE. _You win your lives and your freedom.'

'And?'

'Here! Now just leave us in peace.' The captain pushed an empty Dalek casing towards Marty, then rolled off to join its teammates.

'Yay!' Marty squeed. The Doctor and Rose watched, amused, as she clambered in, then rolled around the field, screaming with joy.

The Doctor leaned over and said to Rose in his thick northern accent, 'How long do you think it will take her to notice we're gone?'

She giggled. 'Let's find out!'

And so, they turned and ran for the TARDIS.

0--0

I have no idea why Marty and the Daleks would be playing a game of lacrosse to determine who would live. Again, taken from a comic I did in the 8th grade when we were playing lacrosse in gym class. Probably one of the few sports I enjoyed. Also, why one of the prizes was an empty Dalek casing for Marty to play with, I don't know. Guess it sounded funny at the time.

Perhaps dear Morgon was right when she read it, then said, 'This makes no sense!!'

I was gonna post this a while back, but it's here now. I have an idea for a short series sort-of based off the Who Tales; way back in October, one of my best mates Sora McCaffrey got braces, and as a present I drew her a comic in which Marty drags Sora off to show the Doctor her shiney new braces, and he ends up taking her on a Time-and-Space trip to the Paris Opera House in 1870 (wink, wink). And a few more comics have blossomed off that, and it's sort of become a series of comics. I'd need to get the first one back from Sora, as it was a present therefore I gave it to her, but I think you pplz'd like that, so I might just post it.


	36. Adric's Labyrinth

The Who Tales-

Adric's Labyrinth

Set during "Castrovalva"…

Through the courtyards and corridors of the Dwellings of Simplicity on Castrovalva, there were four sets of running footsteps. And all four sets of footsteps were in quite a hurry.

'Come on! We _must_ find the Portreeve!!' the Doctor exclaimed, leading the group. Behind him was Nyssa, and behind her was Tegan, who asked worriedly, 'Should you really be running, Doctor?'

Marty Burton brought up the back of the group, and lagged behind, exhausted from excessive amounts of running.

They ran down a flight of steps. 'Hurry!' the Doctor cried. Rolling her eyes, Marty murmured, 'We heard you the first time…'

'We must hurry!'

As the ran past that damned square for the hundredth time, Marty gazed out over the courtyard. 'This place has become quite a labyrinth…' she noted, and to no one in particular.

Had you been watching from a displaced point-of-view, you would've seen the four time travelers running through an upside-down corridor. On the mirrored, upright side below them, a girl about Marty's age with long brunette hair and brown eyes, wearing a billowy white shirt, gold vest, and jeans ran in the opposite direction. 'Hoggle!! Where've you gone?!' she called.

Marty glanced down and saw her, and a vague look of recognition passed over her face.

The group hurried down another flight of steps. Lurking in a corner was a great mass of orangeish fur; it resembled some people's idea of a yeti. No one but Marty really seemed to notice it, as it sat stacking rocks. Then a smaller furry creature in Renaissance-style clothes riding a dog approached it. 'Brother Ludo!' cried the furry thing. 'Have you yet found our lady?'

On another balcony they went. Waddling towards them was a dwarf with a face like gnarled tree bark. He bumped into Tegan, who merely muttered, ''Scuse me,' and kept following the others.

'Hey! Watch where you're going!!' he cried. When Marty gazed over her shoulder to take a better look, she stepped on the undone shoelace of her blue high-tops and fell to the ground.

'Aagh!' She sucked in her breath. The ginger-haired girl landed on her knees. 'That freakin' hurt…' She examined her skinned palms, though when she looked up, she saw a pair of booted feet in very close proximity to her nose. 'Having trouble, Marty?'

Marty looked up, then stood up. Sloped lazily against a doorway was a glittery man with blondish hair and a smirking face. His eyes were one brown, one blue, and he tapped his knee with a stick while spinning clear orbs in the other hand.

'Aw, shit.'

0--0

And I'll let you guess what happened from there…

"Labyrinth" is my new favourite movie. I was driven to watch it by the great AsheRhyder of deviantART's "Roommates" comic series. It's brilliant, read it nao: .com/art/Roommates-58800328

Anyway, it's a completely amazing and hilarious film. When I watched "Castrovalva" on New Year's Eve, this idea was sort of mulling itself over in my head, but since I technically hadn't seen the movie yet, I couldn't write it. Now I have. (Because I'm really bored and it's all I can think to do before Mum sends me off to bed.) It's absolutely the best movie ever, watch it or "I keel you!!".

Hahah, crappiest descriptions of Sarah, Ludo, Sir Didymus, Hoggle, and Jareth EVUR. But you can't blame me for trying.

Of course Marty knows them. She knows everybody. XD

I think I had another idea for "Who Tales" floating around my brain. And look forward to "The Doctor Kidnapped Sora!", a spinoff of "Who Tales" which I'm fairly sure I've mentioned already.


	37. Wooden Luck

The Who Tales-

Wooden Luck

Set during "The Christmas Invasion"…

Mickey stood above the Doctor, looking down at him from where he lay on the TARDIS' floor. 'D'you think he's gonna be okay?'

Marty was cross-legged on the floor next to him, watching him with a worried eye. 'Shouldn't we get him a pillow? That grating… looks uncomfortable.'

Having glanced up at her companions, she saw that her question was ignored. 'I don't know…' Rose began, not addressing anyone in particular. Then she turned to Mickey. 'I hope so…' She sighed and glanced at the Doctor, her face a mixture of emotions.

The ginger-haired girl leaned her elbows on her knees and knitted her brow, making the face she always did when she remembered the past, whether it was her own past or not. 'Before he always had somewhere to rest, or somewhere safe to be.. UNIT, that Zero Room thing… even here, in the TARDIS..'

She glanced outside the same time as Mickey. 'Don't know how much longer it'll be safe, though,' he said, thinking of the Sycorax ship, somewhere high above them.

Tears once again welled up in Rose's eyes, much to the alarm of the others. 'What if he gets stuck like that?'

Marty leapt off of the ground, the bottom of her long purple sweater fluttering. In a second she was at the older girl's side. 'He won't! It's just like he's…' She paused, thinking. 'Is recuperating the right word? ..Anyway, the Doctor's _fine_, just getting used to this new-'

'He'll be fine, Rose,' Mickey assured, cutting off Marty's rambling. She wasn't quite sure as to whether she should be grateful or annoyed.

Silence fell once again upon the TARDIS, everyone deep in thought or sleep, in the Doctor's case. Marty's thoughts drifted. Somehow she was pondering about a documentary she had watched recently on the History Channel, about superstitions. One in particular came to mind. Then the idea dawned upon her.

She suddenly bolted outside, calling, 'Waitatick--!'

Rose and Mickey stared after her with their eyes widened in surprise. As they glanced at each other, wondering what the hell she was doing, a trail of golden swirly stuff drifted up to the ceiling.

They then heard knocking coming from outside of the TARDIS, and within a few minutes their crazy young friend strode back in, smiling.

'Er… what were you doing?' Rose asked.

'Knocking on wood,' came the cheerful reply.

'…You what?' Mickey looked confused and mildly worried.

'You know, for good luck?'

The two humans were puzzled.

'Well, you see…' Marty was about to begin a lengthy explanation, but decided against it. She sighed. 'I can never get a decent joke in with you people…'

0--0

I wrote this way back in 8th grade, when I put out a lot of "Who Tales", but only just found it when I cleaned out my desk and a bunch of old story notebooks last summer. Though there was much editing, including the whole main joke of the story, which was pointless and really, a lot dumber than usual.

(Having reread the previous posting, however, I really wonder…)

Turns out my local library has bought up a whole bunch of Classic Who DVDs, so I put a ton on hold, and in a fit of sudden fandom, remembered to post this, which I have been trying to do for about two years now. Which is really kind of sad.

(Also, it's a great way of procrastinating on my homework. Garrr, history and _Macbeth_…)

It was also spurred by the fact that, after minor editing (because I was falling asleep as I was writing it) I have another new one involving "barefoot on the moon" and Cybermen. (grins maniacally)

Posting this reminded me- who's excited for Matt Smith? All my mates around here have their torches and pitchforks and are chanting "Ten/Rose, Ten/Rose" like a satanic cult, but I'm looking forward to the change. I think it'll be fun. :D


	38. Rubber Mallet

The Who Tales-

Rubber Mallet

41823815 Taerdise Alley

Springleaf Fields, Apple Island…

It was a warm August day in Springleaf Fields, and Marty Burton was spending it excitedly getting ready for later that evening when she, the Idiot Brigade, and their mate Spaceman were going to the cinema. Finally, everybody was back in town from holiday, including Marty herself, who had been on a tour of Europe with her history class. It had been an amazing trip; the best she had been on since she'd left the TARDIS. But it was good to be back in Apple Island.

Suddenly the doorbell rang. Multiple times. This was the signal that her little brother, Jake, was home form summer music school, had forgotten his housekey, and wanted desperately to be let in. So she dashed to the front door to allow Jake passage. As per usual, he was panting, drenched with sweat, and sunburnt. Hurriedly Marty jumped aside, holding her breath to avoid his scent.

Jake's music school was at Terrace High School, which was on the other end of Lavender Town. To get back to Taerdise House, he had to take two city buses and walk half a mile, all while carrying his saxophone. Not being the fittest of boys, this rigorous exercise took its toll on Jake.

Once had had gone past, Marty released her breath and said simply, 'You don't have to ring it a billion times.'

'Don't… chastise me right now… Martha,' Jake breathed. 'I'm too… tired.'

'Well, _Jacob_, I'm just saying. Ring it once, and I'll come,' she returned.

'I thought it would make you come faster,' he explained, collapsing on the couch.

Marty followed her brother into the living room. 'Well, it won't. I'm not a dog or your servant or some such nonsense,' she said shortly. 'And maybe next time you could use your key.'

'I forgot. Sorry. I'll have it tomorrow.'

His sister looked down at him from where she loomed, standing, arms crossed, next to the couch. Sometimes, Jake really, _really_ rubbed her the wrong way. But she was a sympathetic person, and he was, after all, her little brother. 'I forgive you,' she sighed. 'In the meantime, do you want a glass of water?'

Jake considered. 'Could I maybe have a juice box?' he asked brightly.

The 16-year-old rolled her eyes. 'What's the magic word?' she answered flatly.

'Please?' Jake beamed and used his extra-cute voice.

Without a word, though on the inside she was burning with irritation, Marty turned and headed for the garage.

She opened the door and stepped through. As she closed it behind her, she saw something on the far end of the garage that made her heart race: the TARDIS.

Immediately after that, Marty heard the sounds of someone scuffling around in there. Then, a very bright, 'Well, hello, Marty!'

The girl reached out to her left and hit the lightswitch, illuminating the dark garage. To her surprise and delight, standing by her father's tool cabinets was her old friend, the Doctor.

'Doctor!' she cried happily, bounding down the steps and over to glomp him, all her previous irritation with Jake forgotten.

He hugged her back warmly. 'Hallo, again, Marty, how've you been?'

She let him go and stepped back, taking in for only the second time the latest change: bow tie, suspenders, tweed jacket, and so young no one would ever mistake him for her dad again. But Marty still loved the Doctor and wasn't perturbed at all. 'Fine and dandy,' she answered cheerfully. Then she laughed. 'So, what brings you to my garage?'

'Ha ha, funny story…' He reached behind him and picked a rubber mallet up off the counter. 'Just… returning this.'

Marty looked back and forth between the Doctor and the mallet in his hand. She had seen him use it lots of times in the previous TARDIS. '…What?'

He laughed nervously again and set the mallet back down on the counter. 'Yeah, like I said, really funny story, but I've got to run, you know, Pond's waiting and that. But it was nice seeing you again, really hate to dash…'

'Not so fast, Bow Tie.' Marty chased after him as he hurried in between the piles of junk filling her garage. Finally, just before he reached the TARDIS, she snagged him by the collar. 'Explain, please.'

The Doctor stopped and turned to face her with a sigh. 'I hate explaining things,' he said crossly.

Marty smirked. 'Ah, no, you don't.'

He smiled. 'Yeah, you're right. Okay, well, long time ago, having just regenerated for the eighth time, I found the TARDIS was being particularly troublesome. Getting on in years, you know, poor dear. Well, I found that hitting the console helped, but my hand was starting to get sore, so I materialized in the nearest garage and-'

'-Took the first hitting implement you came across,' Marty finished. She shook her head. 'Which was my Da's rubber mallet.'

'Yes, well, coincidental that it was your dad's, right? I mean, I didn't even know you yet.' The Doctor grinned at her.

'It _is_ funny,' she agreed. 'Come to think of it, my Da _has_ been missing his rubber mallet for a while. Now I can tell him where it had gone off to.'

'Right, right. But he can have it back now. Don't need it anymore, new TARDIS and all.' He patted the police box affectionately.

'Sweet. I'm sure he'll be glad to have it back.' Marty giggled again. 'Oh, just wait 'till I tell him.'

'Do you have to?' the Doctor asked, just a tad embarrassed.

'Oh, come on, Doctor. This is Gerry Burton we're talking about here. He'll get a kick out of it.'

'I suppose so.' The Doctor angled past Marty, aiming to open the door and depart. 'See you around, Marty.'

'Yeppers peppers. See you around.'

Just as they each turned to go their opposite directions, Marty had one of her psychic twinges, and it was a powerful one. 'Say, Doctor,' she called urgently.

'Yes?' he stopped and looked at her, half in the TARDIS, half out.

Marty tried to interpret her vision, but it was vague. 'Just… be careful, okay? Something's gonna happen. Something really big. And you know that you're one of my dearest friends. I would be devastated if something were to happen to you. Or Amy, or Rory. I like those kids. So be careful, okay?'

At this, all the colour drained from the Doctor's face, and a chill passed through him at the mention of Rory. 'What?'

'I don't know what it is. It don't give me good vibes, that's for sure. But whatever it is, I know you'll pull through. You always do, don'tcha? Plus, you've got Amy, and she's _awesome_.' The younger ginger smiled. 'You can do it.'

The Doctor looked down at her. Marty wasn't so much shorter than him anymore, and it wasn't simply because this incarnation wasn't as tall as the previous ones; she had grown. He smiled. 'Thanks.'

Marty changed the subject. 'Where _is_ Amy, anyhow?'

The Doctor shuddered. 'Spa.'

'Ah.' Marty smiled knowingly. 'That explains everything.'

She took a step back. 'Well, I'll let you go now for reals. See ya 'round, Doctor, and- be safe.'

He stepped inside the TARDIS. 'Always.'

As his ship dematerialized, Marty snorted. 'Pfft. Liar.'

When the wind and noise had totally died away, she went back to the original reason she had entered the garage- Jake's juice box.

When she went back into the living room, she found Jake still sprawled on the couch. 'What took you so long?' he whinged.

'Heads,' was all she said, chucking the box at him. Then, a cryptic answer entered her head: 'Found Da's rubber mallet.'

'Oh, yeah? Where was it?'

Jake couldn't see his sister's smirk as she walked out of the room. 'The TARDIS.'

She heard him choke on his juice as he bolted upright. 'What?'

But Marty just laughed.

0-0

My Da really did have a rubber mallet that went missing sometime around when the new series of "Doctor Who" started. It still hasn't reappeared. XD So I've had this story in my head for a while. It occurred to me the other day when I saw the Doctor beating on the console when Mum was watching "Partners in Crime" the other day about this fic, and when I thought about it and realized that I hadn't seen the eleventh Doctor use it, there was my story. Yay, first appearance of Eleven in "The Who Tales"! I love you, man! XD 'Member how I said Two was my favourite Doctor? Well, that's only cos Smith wasn't in town yet. I love that guy, he's awesome.

Explanation time yay! (See, I have Marty's entire involvement plotted out in my head. Now I just need to actually write it. XD) Some time around "Midnight" (say, that's a song… XD), Marty went home to celebrate the holidays with her family. Then all the Series 4 finale stuff happened, and everyone's favourite (not) ginger was promptly forgotten about. Canon happened, and then, the summer after 10th grade, Marty went on a tour of Europe with her history class. While they were in Paris, she bumped into the eleventh Doctor (and, later, Amy). Though he looked different, thanks to her awesome psychic-ness, she knew it was him.

Explanation, there you go. Also, the address at the beginning is Marty's. Yeah, house numbers are long on Apple Island. Plus, if you're smart, you'll figure out a secret behind it. Though spelled "Taerdise", Taerdise Alley is pronounced "Tardis" Alley, and their house is called Taerdise House because it was the first one on the alley to be built. Just so's you know. XD

As for the bit at the end, I wanted to reference what's currently happening in the series, for some reason. No spoilers, as we're only just at "Vincent and the Doctor" over here, okay? But, in a story that hasn't been written yet, Marty briefly meets Rory and is delighted to find a new bloke to constantly make fun of, though she isn't as mean to him as Mickey cos she likes Rory better. XP And, obviously, Marty can remember Rory cos she's got psychic skillz and all that. Yeah.

Yes, the Doctor has previously been mistaken for Marty's dad, in case you were like, 'WHAT?' But that's another part of the "It's in my head, now I just need to write it," thing.

I have another, multi-parter "Who Tales" I plan to write, just need to get around to that. It involves The Game. Yeah, _that_ one. The one you aren't supposed to think about? Which I just lost, cos I'm talking about it… but you just lost, too, cos I made you think about it by making you read! So, Hahahaha! We all just lost the game! XD I'm also thinking about continuing "Marty's Lessons". I'm just really, really lazy… Spending my summer watching movies I get from the library and staring dumbly at the resume I'm supposed to be writing.

Have a good night, everybody.


End file.
